I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text

katy perry and russellIn the new issue of Vogue, Katy Perry admits that her previous boyfriends were very intelligent but had more irreversible problems than abused shelter dogs. Her husband of just over a year, Russell Brand, divorced her in a text message, and it wasn’t until she learned the “real truth” that she was able to move on and date fellow jerkbag John Mayer.

“I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day,” Perry said. “I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”

Katy needs to move to Oregon where it always rains and tell us what the hell she’s got on Russell.

I want to say it absolutely has to do with drugs or sex, but I guess it’d be more shocking to find out that he collects commemorative MLK stamps or eats cake out of the trash. Continue reading “I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text”

If You Can’t Figure Out If He’s ‘Into You’ From These Texts, You’re Beyond Help

HeTexted.com is a website for women that is supposed to help them decipher confusing texts from men.

Visitors can comment on the texts and also vote that he’s “not into you” “into you” or “the verdict is still out.”

The page confirms my already-confirmed fears about both genders: men are extremely aloof and women are extremely blind to their aloofness.

One girl’s text reads “It was cool hanging out,” so he says “Yea if you’re out tonight, bring Ali?” The woman has indicated that her friend and his friend were both there, but now he’s asking specifically to bring this Ali girl…  Continue reading “If You Can’t Figure Out If He’s ‘Into You’ From These Texts, You’re Beyond Help”

Jenny McCarthy Sent A Naked Pic To An 80-Year-Old Dentist

Jenny McCarthy was instructed to send images of her an abscess in her 10 year-old son’s mouth to the dentist but accidentally, key word: accidentally (we think), sent a naked photo of herself.

She said, “It’s horrific to remember. Evan woke up and said, ‘There’s this weird thing on my gum.’ … So I called the dentist and said, ‘This is insane.’ He said, ‘Take a picture of it and send it to me’.

“So I’m taking a picture of it and I’m sending it to the dentist and I sent him a nude on accident (sic)! I swear to God! The dentist is, like, 80 years old. I literally screamed at the top of my lungs.”  Continue reading “Jenny McCarthy Sent A Naked Pic To An 80-Year-Old Dentist”