EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Fetus is Embarrassed by ‘The Client List’

Jennifer Love Hewitt pregnant magazine cover“I can’t believe my mother gets paid to pretend to get paid to give handjobs on television,” the three-month old fetus of Jennifer Love Hewitt exclusively told The Twist.

In all seriousness, Jennifer Love Hewitt is engaged and pregnant and her unborn baby is totally yelling “ADOPT ME” at strangers through the uterine wall. From Us Weekly:

“We’re so thrilled and happy to start a family,” the Client List costars tell Us in a statement. A source says Hewitt is about three months along.

But really, I love her and her entire career including the terrible stuff like Ghost Whisperer. (Heartbreakers with Sigourney Weaver is one of my favorite guilty pleasure comedies.) I think she gets a bad rep that she doesn’t really deserve, like the Tom Cruises, John Travoltas and Tyras of the world.

The dude who put the real-life jizz in her is named Brian Hallisay and plays her skeezy ex-husband on The Client List who totally wants a piece of his wifey’s lubed-up rubdown money.  Continue reading “EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Fetus is Embarrassed by ‘The Client List’”

Granny Love Hewitt Calls Jennifer Love a ‘Ho’

Jennifer Love Hewitt GrandmaGrandmothers like to distort reality, assuming every minor hiccup is that moment in War of the Worlds when the aliens suck Tom Cruise into that giant human chicken basket.

Tommy hasn’t come home yet? He’s not just dead, he’s been kidnapped by a sodomizing suicide cult.

Put yourself in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s grandma’s shoes. On Sundays, she watches her jugtastic granddaughter give handjobs in a see-through nightgown for sofa pennies.

The senior Hewitt actually has a better sense of humor about The Client List than you or I would expect, jokingly calling her precious J-Love a “ho.”

“She likes it,” JLH told Ellen. “She ignores the parts that she doesn’t like and pretends like they’re not happening but she calls me her ‘little TV ho.’ And she thinks that’s really funny.”  Continue reading “Granny Love Hewitt Calls Jennifer Love a ‘Ho’”

Jennifer Love Hewitt Strips on Top of a Warehouse For ‘The Client List’

Jennifer Love Hewitt I'm a womanTo remind everyone that her last name alphabetically comes before “Lopez,” “Lawrence” and “Hudson,” Jennifer Love Hewitt filmed a very steamy promo/music video for season 2 of The Client List. 

Oh how this brings me back to 1999, when Hugetits could sustain a spot on the Billboard Hot 100 by throwing on a wifebeater and propping herself up next to a car after not washing her hair for six days. I’m talking about the video for her song “How Do I Deal,” of course. Like Tyra Banks and Heidi Montag, J-Love has always kept a music career in her back pocket. (Her songs were only slightly more ear friendly, in a LeAnn-Rimes-on-the-Coyote Ugly-soundtrack sort of way.)  Continue reading “Jennifer Love Hewitt Strips on Top of a Warehouse For ‘The Client List’”

Jennifer Love Hewitt Broke Her Wrist While [Handjob] Training For ‘The Client List’

It seems Ms. HugeTits broke her wrist training for the role of a woman who is “forced” into working at a happy ending massage parlor on The Client List.

Unfortunately, J-Love did not sprain it after an especially vigorous simulated handjob, she did it boxing.

Jennifer likes to punch things, possibly pretending the bag is every member of the media who ever drew attention to her rapidly shrinking and expanding waistline.

“Guess who broke her wrist yesterday boxing to get fit for season two! I will be spending the weekend resting in my pjs,” she wrote on Twitter.  Continue reading “Jennifer Love Hewitt Broke Her Wrist While [Handjob] Training For ‘The Client List’”

How Dare They Change Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Boobs!!

Someone went ahead and altered a promotional photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt for the Lifetime tv-movie turned show The Client List to make her boobs look smaller and more covered.

Hewitt plays a mother who gives happy endings, which is already pretty spectacular. I would almost watch it based solely on that description if I hadn’t seen part of the Golden-Globe nominated movie.

Sadly it’s similar to Ghost Whisperer in that it never goes full retard, forever stuck somewhere between taking itself seriously and going consciously into Broken Lizard’s so-good-it’s-bad format.  Continue reading “How Dare They Change Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Boobs!!”