Take Your Butter Money and Run, Girl: Paula Deen Fired From Food Network

Paula Deen apology videoPaula Deen, Mistress of Carbs, maker of delicious, oozing vodka-soaked chicken with chocolate sauce and essence of Hostess Twinkies, has been terminated by the Food Network after she attempted to apologize (twice) for casually admitting that she uses the n-word.

Before telling the public they’d chosen not to renew her contract, the Food Network issued a statement assuring everyone that they do not tolerate bigotry no matter how delicious the bigot’s food is.

“Food Network does not tolerate any form of discrimination and is a strong proponent of diversity and inclusion. We will continue to monitor the situation,” they clarified.

Mrs. Deen and her people scrambled all day to set it right, booking an appearance on the Today Show that was eventually cancelled in favor of a second apology video (first HERE).

Clumps of mascara circled her eyes like helicopters behind Snoop Dogg’s house as her tears [and the tears of her fans] soaked into the ground and gave all the worms and moles severe chest pains and a sudden shooting pain in their arm.  CLICK to watch the video…

Funny Video: Al Roker Won The Staring Contest We Didn’t Enter

Al Roker’s face froze in a look of surprise for 16 entire seconds on The Today Show after co-host Savannah Guthrie make a relatively non-shocking comment about “leaving room for the holy ghost” when dancing, to Matt Lauer.

While many assumed it was a “glitch in the Matrix” or that NBC’s newsbot broke down, Roker explained that the director “egged him on” and that he had a “brain freeze.”  Continue reading “Funny Video: Al Roker Won The Staring Contest We Didn’t Enter”

Mike Tyson Talks Veganism And Hookers On NBC Today

Mike Tyson and Spike Lee visited the Today Show to promote his one-man Broadway show, Undisputed Truth.

When Ann Curry asked what made him want to become a vegan he responded:

“I just threw up the white flag. It was too many prison cells, too many jails, too many lawsuits, too many bankruptcies, too many women, too many venereal diseases, too many everything. I got really tired of, you know, like every time a prostitute – I would head back from a trip – I had to sleep with her.

Spike Lee waved his arms around, laughed uncomfortably and grabbed Tyson’s shoulders in an attempt to get him back on track but Mike still blurted out, “I’m sorry, I was a prostitute hunter!” Continue reading “Mike Tyson Talks Veganism And Hookers On NBC Today”

Lindsay Lohan, More Talent Than Rosie O’Donnell? NEVAHH

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, Michael Lohan lashed out at Rosie O’Donnell after she called Lindsay Lohan unfit to portray Elizabeth Taylor in the new Lifetime movie Liz & Dick.

“I feel very sorry for her, I think she needs a lot of help,” O’Donnell told a Today Show panel on Tuesday. “She needs a lot of time away. On ‘SNL’ it wasn’t as though she delivered, people watched expecting, hoping, wishing, but she needs a lot of help. I don’t think she’s right for the role, and I don’t think she’s capable at this point of doing what’s needed to portray that character, I think the interest level in her has waned significantly.” Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan, More Talent Than Rosie O’Donnell? NEVAHH”

Dear Brad Pitt: Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up!

Oh lord, he just needs to stop talking. Hoof in mouth alert, times two. Brad Pitt is STILL talking about the comments he made about Jennifer Aniston to Parade Magazine.

This is actually the third time he’s talked about this, if you count the original quote about how he “wasn’t living an interesting life” during his marriage to Jennifer Aniston…

He’s spending all this unwarranted energy on backtracking a comment that was clearly disparaging…

Continue reading “Dear Brad Pitt: Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up!”