Brian Williams Suspended For 6 Months For Lying

Jon Stewart Brian Williams quoteNews anchor Brian Williams has been suspended by NBC for 6 months without pay for saying he was in a helicopter that had to make an emergency landing after coming under fire in Iraq.

To add insult to injury, Williams claimed he told the lie because umm, like, a bunch of helicopters crashed that day and stuff and he was in a helicopter but just not one of those helicopters and he forget that that totally didn’t happen to him at all because he’s got a lot going on, like trying to ignore trolls who send him videos of his daughter getting her ass eaten out.

Continue reading “Brian Williams Suspended For 6 Months For Lying”

Dan Castellaneta Does 26 ‘Simpsons’ Voices

Simpsons voice chart
Hank Azaria is frequently and rightfully praised for his voice acting on The Simpsons, where he embodies Moe, Apu, Cletus, Snake and many more, BUT let’s not forget that Dan Castellaneta is the voice of 26 regulars including Homer since its 1989 premiere.

I’d like to see charts for H. Jon Benjamin, the lead on both Archer AND Bob’s Burger’s, and John DiMaggio (Jake The Dog on Adventure Time and Bender on Futurama).

Ross Geller is Khloe, Kim, Kourtney and Rob’s Father

ross robert kardashianDavid Schwimmer – the man we will probably always know as Ross Geller from Friends – is playing Robert Kardashian in an FX series created by Ryan Murphy called American Crime Story, which is the same concept as American Horror Story but with less dead people, more court cases and just as many famous people (Sarah Paulson, Cuba Gooding Jr.). The first season tells the story of O.J. Simpson from the perspective of those involved with the case, also focusing on the police’s “history with the African-American community in Los Angeles at the time.”

Continue reading “Ross Geller is Khloe, Kim, Kourtney and Rob’s Father”

The Best Non-Cosby Jokes from the Globes

Jessica Chastain goldeng globesWhen it came to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Bill Cosby joke at the Golden Globes, you were either laughing hysterically (Lena Dunham) or completely losing your sh*t (Jessica Chastain). So fun seeing harmless Clooney’s-wife-could-do-better and Meryl Streep-has-a-million-awards jokes turn into I PUT THE PILLS IN THE PEOPLE.

There were of course other funny moments from the monologue which are being a tad overshadowed…

1. Amy, to Frances McDormand: Frances, I love you. Can I just say you’re the only person in this room that I would save in a fire?

2. Tina: George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.

3. Amy: I didn’t like Gone Girl. I go to the movies to escape, I don’t want to just see myself up there on the screen.

4. Amy, on Reese Witherspoon in Wild: She did all of her own walking … Andy Serkis was great as her backpack.  Continue reading “The Best Non-Cosby Jokes from the Globes”

Buffy’s Nicholas Brendon Arrested for Injuring a Plate

Nicholas Brendon now and thenNicolas Brendon, who many know as Xander on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was arrested for causing a ruckus in a hotel lobby in Boise. You may have just randomly developed boredom narcolepsy thinking about sad, out-of-work actors whose early credits include “basketball player one” in Children of the Corn: Urban Harvest getting drunk in Idaho, but trust me, there’s some meat to this story.

The hotel’s main beef with Brendon was the breaking of a “decorative dish,” which earned him a charge of “malicious injury to property.”  Continue reading “Buffy’s Nicholas Brendon Arrested for Injuring a Plate”

‘7th Heaven’ and ‘Revolution’ Actor May go to Jail for Child Molestation

Stephen Collins, who played a reverend on the long-running series 7th Heaven, the president in Falling Skies and a doctor on Revolution and No Ordinary Family is under investigation for molestating multiple underage girls ages 11 to 13.

Collins confessed to the crimes in therapy sessions with his wife that were recorded in 2012 and leaked to TMZ. In the sessions, he admits to exposing himself to a neighbor, a relative of his first wife and another girl from New York.

His wife, Faye Grant, is currently in the process of divorcing him, but claims to have had nothing to do with the leak. (Not that anyone would blame her for wanting the world know.)  Continue reading “‘7th Heaven’ and ‘Revolution’ Actor May go to Jail for Child Molestation”

Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back

With four major deaths and a fight scene just as epic as the Mountain/Viper showdown, the Game of Thrones finale was everything we hoped for except that it was only the 10th episode and that one guy who was evil but oddly likable totally croaked either by a crossbow bolt or a sword/falling down a hill.

But honestly, how on earth will you spend your Sunday nights now that Thrones is over??

I know I’ll be parading around pretending like this will be the finale that causes me to read all the Song of Ice and Fire books as soon as I have a free second. (Which is never, because I’m always busier scratching my nose until my brain leaks out.) Continue reading “Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back”

‘Skins’ Star Kathryn Prescott Cast as Lead on MTV’s ‘Finding Carter’

For those of you wondering what’s next for Kathryn Prescott, who played Emily Fitch – one half of identical twins Katie and Emily and most tragic teen couple of all time, Emily and Naomi – on the UK version of Skins, MTV has your answer.

In the vein of Switched at Birth and Life Unexpected, Finding Carter is a drama centering around a troubled girl who must adjust to living with her real family after learning a dark secret about the woman who raised her.

This is one of the first times we’re seeing a Skins alum on something other than Game of Thrones or the red carpet next to Jennifer Lawrence…  Continue reading “‘Skins’ Star Kathryn Prescott Cast as Lead on MTV’s ‘Finding Carter’”

Prince Oberyn Weighs in on that Shocking Trial-By-Combat

pedro pascal the mountain instagram ** Read no further unless you’re caught up on Game of Thrones or love spoilers! **

Pedro Pascal has talked in great lengths about the outcome of his character’s epic fight against the Mountain on Game of Thrones in the name of Tyrion Lannister and his dead sister, Elia Martell.

To Access Hollywood, on identifying and falling in love with Prince Oberyn “The Viper” Martell:

I found him very delicious. I also found him very, very honorable and very progressive and just an all-around badass, not because he’s a great fighter and because he likes to f*ck everything that moves, but because he has morals that I identify with. So it was always very hard for me to kind of like, detach myself from my own heartbreak that the character goes out the way that he goes out.

Pascal said in that same interview that he wouldn’t hesitate to star in a sort of Red Viper origin series or movie, as unlikely as that is.  Continue reading “Prince Oberyn Weighs in on that Shocking Trial-By-Combat”

‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango

Faking it threesome episode
This year, MTV birthed a very decent show in the vein of Awkward called Faking It about a teenage girl who realizes she’s falling for her best friend after they decide to pretend to be lesbians in order to stand out at their ultra-liberal high school in Austin, Texas.

Struggling with sexual identity may not necessarily be a relatable theme, but having feelings for someone you can’t have is, and that’s what makes the show special.

In the sixth episode of Faking It, Amy (Rita Volk, the potentially gay one) reluctantly agrees to have a threesome at the request of Karma (American Idol contestant Katie Stevens, the straight friend), who desperately wants to lose her virginity to the “hot guy” character, who, like all heartthrobs on TV, is constantly referred to by his first and last name.
rules of a threesome faking it
As expected, the unsure-ness of what’s to come gets to all three parties, and begins with awkward silences and glances back and forth…   Continue reading “‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango”

Why Do People Put Things There?: A Question Not Even ‘Sex Sent Me to the E.R.’ Can Answer

10424107_1553470738213314_972763449_o
Kinky role-playing ends up in the emergency room. There is a television show on TLC called “Sex Sent Me to the E.R.” This episode stuck in my mind because of the previous post from a book titled “Stuck up.” Stories like these make me wonder why people feel the need to put very odd things in places they don’t belong.

A Canadian couple by the name of Jason and Michelle decides to role play. She a princess and he was a fire breathing dragon. Handcuffs were involved in this role playing (I am unsure why a dragon would handcuff a princess), and the keys ended up in her vagina (like you didn’t see that coming). This event ended with them in the emergency room, and MORE bad news.

At first the couple pretended not to know what was wrong hoping the doctor would find through an exam. Whenever something bad happens to me that I’m embarrassed about, I think “it can be worse.”  Continue reading “Why Do People Put Things There?: A Question Not Even ‘Sex Sent Me to the E.R.’ Can Answer”

Amy Schumer is Blowing the F*ck Up

Amy Schumer has been all over the place lately. It wasn’t after I found out that the show she’d been gifted by Comedy Central, Inside Amy Schumer, had exceptionally good ratings, or when a story she told that seemed to only be about a drunken college encounter with a man who basically fell asleep with his head inside her vagina turned into a surprisingly empowering speech about self-worth made her a headline on every pop culture website, OR even when I heard that she had written a movie with the help of non-other than Judd Apatow that I realized how famous she’d become…

It took my brother uttering her name at an early Mother’s Day celebration dinner for me to finally understand exactly how gigantically popular and successful Amy Schumer is. I can’t even escape Schumer when I’m spending time with my Mom and brother, two of the most outdoorsy, least TV-watching people who have always cared more about dehydrating papayas and getting a good deal at Goodwill than celebrities.

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How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?

I’ve been watching a lot of Gwen Stefani interviews today to see what exact kind of personality we’re looking at, and so far I’ve learned that she stays in touch with Madonna, once wanted a pet monkey and continues to describe her husband as “hot” years after their wedding.

Like former female The Voice coaches Shakira and Christina Aguilera, Stefani is a super proud blond giver of birth who calls motherhood “the best thing that’s ever happened” in her life.

She’s adorably Californian, knows she’s fabulous, and will likely vibe well with fellow blond beauty/sourpuss Adam Levine and new token-black-guy-judge Pharrell (who is half to blame for the spelling lesson in “Hollaback Girl”). Go ahead and put on an EVEN bigger hat, you’ll still never be Cee Lo.  Continue reading “How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?”

Emma Stone is the Nicki Minaj of Lip Syncing


Crazy adorable ginger (and only reason to ever step foot in a theater showing Amazing Spider-Man 2) Emma Stone decimated the competition over at The Tonight Show with her mouthed renditions of the equally challenging “Hook” by Blues Traveler and DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win.”

Fallon’s dance moves didn’t stand a chance against Emma, whose lips and arms were moving so fast that audience members in the front row witnessed some of her freckles bouncing off her skin and into their laps.

I never thought I’d see John Popper and Ludacris proud on the same day…

Stories I’m too Lazy to Write About [4-3-14]

R.I.P. … True Blood is ending after 2014. (Uproxx)

And hereee’s RoboCop eating donuts… (Grouchy Muffin)

 David Letterman retiring in 2015.  (Rolling Stone)

30 people confirmed dead in WA mudslide. (Yahoo!)

Nene Leakes looks contemplative in ’92 mug shot. (ohmyGAHH)

Wayne Gretzky’s daughter did Golf Digest?? (Deadspin)

Shakira lights herself on fire for “Empire” vid. (Idolator)

Cameron Diaz made a sex tape. (ComingSoon)

Sue Me, I Thought ‘The Walking Dead’ Finale Was Really F*cking Boring

cargo container train car The Walking Dead finale
As anyone with a TV, Facebook or even the most snail-paced internet connection knows – The Walking Dead season 4 finale was on last night.

Considering how uneventful and equally or less exciting than every other non-finale episode, I’m baffled by the amount of websites that called it “shocking,” “exciting” and “brutal.” (Spoilers ahead.)

Carl almost getting raped? – not shocking because we knew it would never happen. Rick being reunited with the gang? – not shocking because we knew it would happen. Rick taking advice from a dead man…? No.
Rick and Daryl season 4 finale still
The real shocker was that nobody died. Not Glenn (dead in the comic) or Maggie (what I expected) or even the new characters, and that the craziest events of the season didn’t occur when the gang ended up trapped in a train car together, but two episodes ago, when crazy-eyed Lizzie exclaimed “Don’t worry, she’ll come back. I didn’t hurt her brain,” after murdering her younger sister.  Continue reading “Sue Me, I Thought ‘The Walking Dead’ Finale Was Really F*cking Boring”

Chelsea Handler Leaves E!, May Replace Piers Morgan

Uganda Be Kidding Me author, comedian and only-woman-in-late-night, Chelsea Handler is reportedly packing up her bags and leaving the E! network. A recent statement from her manager makes it sound like she’ll be starting fresh instead of moving Chelsea Lately to another network.

“Chelsea intends to leave when her contract expires. She hired me to figure out her life after E! We have at least seven suitors and many ideas,” Irving Azoff revealed.

E! took a chance on Handler in 2006 when she was a virtual unknown with The Chelsea Handler Show, which lasted one season and eventually evolved into a talk show that went from only booking D-list reality stars to moving to a new studio with appearances by the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock.

Continue reading “Chelsea Handler Leaves E!, May Replace Piers Morgan”