Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck naked locker roomToday was a very upsetting day for me, football-wise.

The Eagles lost by two points to a team who had NEVER previously won a playoff game on the road… those damn voodoo-practicing, bayou bourbon-sipping swamp hobbits, the New Orleans Saints.

Before that depressing reality, Indianapolis made an impressive comeback against the Chiefs. But more interestingly, man-of-the-hour Andrew Luck was captured in an embarrassing half-naked locker room stance in a teammate’s tweet.

Culprit Pat McAfee later deleted this rare photo of a sasquatch in captivity (THAT neck beard tho), but not before it was saved to desktops and posted to every sports site on the internet. Whoops.  Continue reading “Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck”

PR Woman Justine Sacco is too White to Get AIDS

A woman who works for the company that owns College Humor, Vimeo, OkCupid and About.com, to name a few, deleted her Twitter account over a distasteful joke about AIDS.

Earlier today, IAC media employee Justine Sacco posted the following tweet:
Justine sacco aids tweet
This type of joke wouldn’t have been noticed by anyone if it had merely been spoken out loud to an audience at any comedy club, but a businesswoman of her stature should probably know better.

Your Easter Prayers Have Not Been Answered: Rihanna and Chris Brown Are Still Together

Chris Brown Rihanna instagram togetherMy day was made and unmade in a matter of hours. Upon waking, I heard a wonderful rumor from the radio station Power 106, who reportedly Tweeted that Chris Brown and Rihanna had broken up.

I was already making plans to paint his face on a dozen eggs, which I would then set on the sidewalk and crush with my feet and possibly a sledgehammer. By breakfast, I unrealized this dream when I read that Chris had favorited a Tweet from a woman who said the comments he made to Big Boy on air were as old as the dirt on Jesus’s abs.

“@chrisbrown and @rihanna are still together… that video was from like forever long ago.. their still getting married. sadly,” Lissette Ortiz wrote.  Continue reading “Your Easter Prayers Have Not Been Answered: Rihanna and Chris Brown Are Still Together”

Clive Davis is in the News a Bunch for Being a Heartless Queen

Clive Davis Kelly clarksonClive Davis and Kelly Clarkson’s feud is a little confusing. Here are the facts… Davis, CEO of Clarkson’s record label RCA, wrote a memoir called The Soundtrack of My Life. In the memoir, the 80-year-old producer credited for kickstarting the careers of talented acts like Whitney Houston, paints Kelly as an overly emotional twit with terrible instincts.

Specifically, he says Kelly was “hysterically sobbing” in his office because she hated what turned out to be the most successful songs from her 2004 sophomore album Breakaway.

Clarkson remembers it differently, writing an open letter on WhoSay about how Davis called her a “sh*tty writer” and told her to “just shut up and sing” after she performed the very personal “Because Of You.”

Continue reading “Clive Davis is in the News a Bunch for Being a Heartless Queen”

A Special Message About Hurricane Sandy, From Lindsay Lohan

The death toll in the Caribbean reached 69 yesterday as Hurricane Sandy made its way to the heavily populated areas of the East Coast, flooding homes and businesses and cutting power after the Con Edison explosion.

For all the people who either left their homes or are sitting in near darkness with battery-powered radios and candles, Lindsay Lohan some advice for you.

“WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i’m calling it Sally)..? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace,” ultra sympathetic Lindsay tweeted Sunday night.

Ankle bracelet Buddha’s pearls of wisdom were noticed by none other than Tara Reid, who responded to another lighthearted renaming (“Hurricane Sassy”) of the disaster by Lohan.

Continue reading “A Special Message About Hurricane Sandy, From Lindsay Lohan”

I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…

After the debates last night, famous conservative controversy-lover Ann “long hands” Coulter wrote, “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

Yes Ann Coulter called Obama a retard, yes a boatload of angry liberals on Twitter attacked her ignorance, specifically her use of the “r-word,” yes I support her right to say it. You know why?

…Because there are thousands of democrats calling her and Mitt Romney retards at this exact moment. Also, it’s not like Coulter’s statements were ever subtle.

She is, after all, the one who called Princess Diana a “nitwit hussy” and said America would be better if women couldn’t vote though I think she meant “the country would be better if Ann Coulter couldn’t vote.”  Continue reading “I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…”

Alison Pill Accidentally Tweets Nude Pic, Apologizes

Actress Alison Pill (Maggie on The Newsroom, Kim in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) Tweeted a topless photo of herself on a bed wearing sophisticated glasses, Wednesday afternoon.

She quickly noticed the mistake, and removed it, leaving her followers the message, “Yep. That picture happened. Ugh. My tech issues have now reached new heights, apparently. How a deletion turned into a tweet… Apologies.”

Normally I’d launch into a rant about how I can’t figure out why young starlets keep making mistakes and none of them learn, but Pill is 26 (not super young) and kind of made it okay with her nonchalant attitude. Shrug it off and we will too.

Continue reading “Alison Pill Accidentally Tweets Nude Pic, Apologizes”

Justin Bieber’s New Tattoo Is Less Religious, More Pompous

Justin Bieber Tweeted a photo of his new tattoo on Friday. I’m not sure what’s worse, him not dying in that car crash on Ventura Blvd, or his new crown tattoo.

I think I more have a beef with the “symbolism.”

Justin either thinks he’s the new king of pop, or that American saw that Prince William and Kate Middleton were boosting England’s economy (OR that Mitt Romney was running) and switched to a monarchy.

The crown is his seventh ink blotch. Others include the words “Believe” and “Jesus” spelled in Hebrew, praying hands, a seagull, and Jesus’ face.  Continue reading “Justin Bieber’s New Tattoo Is Less Religious, More Pompous”

Voula Papachristou Booted From Olympics For Racist Tweet

Greek triple jumper and 2009 European Athletics U23 Championships gold-medalist Paraskevi “Voula” Papachristou was ejected from the Greek team yesterday after tweeting the following:

“With so many Africans in Greece… the West Nile mosquitoes will at least eat homemade food!!!”

The tasteless joke was seen by the Hellenic Olympic Committee as “contrary to the values and ideas of the Olympic movement.” Papachristou had planned to travel to London not long after she received the news.

While she later apologized and wrote that she is merely a non-political athlete, the links she posted to sites promoting extremist right-wing viewpoints suggested otherwise. Continue reading “Voula Papachristou Booted From Olympics For Racist Tweet”

Awww, Rihanna Actually Was Sick

Last Saturday Rihanna was condemned by Lorne Michaels and SNL producers for missing dress rehearsal and being seemingly healthy in between performances during the live show. Turns out, the poor little dear really was sick.

She posted a picture of this IV in her arm after several of her followers expressed concern over her lack of timeline updates, the very same day she went to the Met Gala.

According to E! she had the flu accompanied by a fever and TMZ wrote that she was given a penicillin shot before SNL, which explains two things: why she didn’t completely collapse and the reason for the sluggishness and watery eyes.

Justin Bieber’s Message To Mariah Yeater

Remember Justin Bieber’s alleged baby mama, Mariah Yeater? The crazy-eyed fan that told a lurid tale of a backstage dalliance with a 16 year-old Justin at Staples Center. In November she demanded a paternity test and $12,000 a month. Nobody took her seriously because that would that have qualified as statutory rape and she was clearly unstable.

Photos of plastic-wrap around her face, rumors that she was hanging out with the true father of her baby, and the fact that she dropped the whole case after Justin volunteered to take the paternity test seemed to prove as much.

Well, for some reason he decided that six months later (Saturday) was the perfect time to poke fun at her by writing, “Dear mariah yeeter…we have never met…so from the heart i just wanted to say…”

Continue reading “Justin Bieber’s Message To Mariah Yeater”

Adam Levine’s New Cologne + Christina’s Booming Laughter

These days, it’s bizarre when a celebrity DOESN’T have a scent. Now Adam Levine of The Voice/Maroon 5 is launching a fragrance called “222,” which is already the name of his clothing/instrument/whatever line.

I always wonder what these things are going to smell like, but then I remember that they all smell the same. I mean, Britney Spears’ Fantasy was pure sugar/cotton candy and Paris Hilton’s are unsurprisingly fruity and surprisingly not gross. I’ve smelled Usher’s junk (not that junk) and I can’t tell the difference between that and a knockoff from Payless.  Continue reading “Adam Levine’s New Cologne + Christina’s Booming Laughter”

Safe For Work But Nonetheless Topless Rihanna

Twitter has long been a place of accidental and on-purpose nudity, Tori Spelling, Adrianne Curry, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ice-T’s Coco are all guilty of it.

Rihanna, one of the the most fan-involved pop artists of the Twitter generation, is no exception.

Her previous album, Loud, had no less than six chart-topping singles and it’s clear that Talk That Talk will fare no differently. She is now on her third TTT music video, the upcoming “Where Have You Been,” which samples Geoff Mack/Lucky Star/Hank Snow/Johnny Cash’s “I’ve Been Everywhere.”

On Wednesday she began shooting, and Tweeted this topless photo of her holding what looks like a blond wig on a stick. (Weird because hair on a stick that just happens to be my favorite thing to order at baseball games)  Continue reading “Safe For Work But Nonetheless Topless Rihanna”

Did Chris Brown Just Compare Selling Drugs To Beating Rihanna?!

Oh no he motherfuckin’ didn’t (but yes, he actually did) Tweet on Tuesday that everyone imitates rappers who have sold drugs and that people can learn from their mistakes yet are unrightfully bombarded with day-to-day hatred?

WHAT? Seriously? Chris Brown, I hate you for a very good reason and I will never forgive you or think of you in a different light, especially since you continue to act like a punk.

I will always see a violent, cocky, talentless, immature little prick when I look at you.

That’s what happens when you hit a woman (who happens to be a successful and loved pop star) until her eyes swell shut.

Continue reading “Did Chris Brown Just Compare Selling Drugs To Beating Rihanna?!”

Rihanna’s Bottom BarbadoBoob, Plus Chris Brown Tweet

Rihanna‘s got to be the most written about thing on The Twist besides the Kardashians but I’m not gonna stop, I’m still a fan and a pervert and I’ve been tricked into liking Talk That Talk, even though I wrote a Stereogum comment that it was the worst Rihanna album ever that also contained the most embarrassing song in existence. (“Cockiness”)

Mrs. Man Down Rum Pum Pum Pum We Found Love In An Umbrella visited her native country over the Christmas break to visit her family and of course she stopped by the beach with her little brother, and half her boob fell out, and she didn’t care, and no one there did either. But it’s still news?

Continue reading “Rihanna’s Bottom BarbadoBoob, Plus Chris Brown Tweet”

The Real Headline Is That Bill Maher Types “U” Instead Of “You”

What right does Bill Maher have making fun of Tim Tebow or bible humpers when he is too lazy to spell out the word “you?” Okay, backstory: notorious liberal atheist Maher went on Twitter and made jokes about Jesus fucking over Tebow because he lost so badly (40-14) to the Bills.

I could care less about what fundamentalist windbags are against this week, it’s usually the opposite of interesting. When I heard this story and read the Tweets I was much more surprised and shocked by Bill Maher’s typing style. “Pls?” “u?” “re” instead of “read?”

Continue reading “The Real Headline Is That Bill Maher Types “U” Instead Of “You””