Emma Watson and Prince Harry Aren’t a Thing

Hermione mud bloodSo you heard that Emma Watson and Prince Harry are an item, yes? Well, they’re not. Firstly, Watson is a classy young broad who I’d like to believe has much better taste than that, and second, she said so on Twitter (sort of).

But then again, I wanted to believe that Hermione Granger wouldn’t fall for a certain sweet-yet-clueless ginger with a knack for being dead weight when people are busy trying their hardest to destroy Voldemort. Lesson: anyone lacking the last name “Potter” or “Radcliffe” is a bad choice for her.

Here’s what Watson had to say on social media about not dating a full-blood prince:

The “exclusive” story from Women’s Day Australia detailed a tryst that thrived on “secret dates” and the fact that Harry is “smitten” for more than just “Emma’s looks,” and is instead after her soul because he doesn’t have one.  Continue reading “Emma Watson and Prince Harry Aren’t a Thing”

Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

The maturity of internet trolls combined with the confused faces of professional basketball players makes the second NBA edition of Mean Tweets comic gold. PRESS PLAY!

And I know my gossipy lowlife ass wasn’t the only one waiting with bated breath for the Kim Kardashian diss during the Kris Humphries portion.
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Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets

Julia Roberts mean tweetIn Jimmy Kimmal’s latest edition of celebs reading outrageous tweets about themsevles, Courtney Cox gets called a “p*ssy hoe” while Kit Harrington is a “big bitch” and Julia Roberts simply has gaping lips that swallow 10,000-pound African land mammals whole.

Users also wonder why Sofia Vergara talks “like she has a d*ck in her mouth” and say they hope Jeremy Piven’s falls off in public, so I was thinking to save time his d*ck could fall off and land in Sofia Vergara’s mouth during the day on the Hollywood Walk of Fame while Emma Stone, who reeks of cat piss, videotapes it and Gary Oldman narrates.  Continue reading “Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets”

Amanda Bynes Frolics in Bikini, Makes Long-Awaited Return to Twitter!

Amanda Bynes bikini 2014
Amanda Bynes MAY be giving us the success story we wasted our time hoping for with Lindsay Lohan…

After entering a hospital and eventually rehab for driving crazily, smashing bongs and lighting fires in people’s yards, Bynes is seemingly back to her content, sane self – spending time with her parents and attending the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.

Of all the negative things Bynes was “famous” for in recent years, most know her for her presence on Twitter.

Once the queen of attention-grabbing tweets that often involved calling people “ugly” and getting her vagina murdered, not to mention the posting of one-eyed duckface photos, Amanda B. has quietly returned to social media with short and sweet messages about her fans and her birthday. (She just turned 28.)  Continue reading “Amanda Bynes Frolics in Bikini, Makes Long-Awaited Return to Twitter!”

A Man With Two Penises Has Existed For 24 Years And We’re Only Just Now Hearing About It

double dick dude twitter2014 is already a wondrous year for one reason and three words: Double Dick Dude.

This is the Reddit username of a 24-year-old caucasian man with a rare condition called Diphallia, also known as “penile duplication” also known as “HE HAS TWO WORKING, FULL-SIZED PENISES!”

Double Dick Dude recently revealed tons of personal details about his sex life in an Ask Me Anything session, but surprisingly few unrelated to his genital region besides his age and American citizenship were brought to light.

When asked what the downsides were, he wrote that the girl he lost his virginity in high school “told everyone” and that he generally avoids public restrooms. (His prostate also becomes enlarged if he doesn’t ejaculate at least every two days.)  Continue reading “A Man With Two Penises Has Existed For 24 Years And We’re Only Just Now Hearing About It”

PR Woman Justine Sacco is too White to Get AIDS

A woman who works for the company that owns College Humor, Vimeo, OkCupid and About.com, to name a few, deleted her Twitter account over a distasteful joke about AIDS.

Earlier today, IAC media employee Justine Sacco posted the following tweet:
Justine sacco aids tweet
This type of joke wouldn’t have been noticed by anyone if it had merely been spoken out loud to an audience at any comedy club, but a businesswoman of her stature should probably know better.

Funny Video: Mean Tweets, Music Edition

In the latest edition of celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves, Ke$ha is a crack whore, Pharrell looks like a sewer rat, 2 Chainz is Whoopi Goldberg and Lil’ Wayne is a crabapple. Awesome.

Also, Jared Leto totally licked his lips a little when he read the word “dick.”

Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On

Khloe Kardashian casualIn oddly sad celebrity news (if you’re capable of feeling sorry for people whose combined family income could get the country out of debt), Khloe Kardashian can’t go outside without someone whispering about her husband’s homelessness, affairs and the NBA career he could have had if he wasn’t addicted to crack.

This is however, a world where relationships begin and end on Twitter, as we saw with Miley and Liam and now Khloe, whose followers just witnessed the dropping of “Odom” in her handle.

While her sister Kim is busy being blonde in Paris with her baby daddy, infertile Khloe is pretending to enjoy the repetition of treadmills and salad (she was recently spotted at the gym and out at lunch with her mom) without Lamar, still sporting her wedding ring and LO hand tat.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On”

Michael Vick Still Believes he’s the Sole Proprietor of the Eagles

Michael Vick eagles 2013The Chris Brown of football (I would say Kanye West if Kanye had overseen the eletrocution of Kylie and Kendall Jenner) got on Twitter and pressed enter without thinking, which is no surprise considering his ball-throwing accuracy and failure to form words without deserving an armbar from Ronda Rousey’s mom.  (Or any mom.)

Vick’s tweet in question read “we will redeem ourself,” in regards to the Eagles last two losses to the Chargers and Chiefs and their upcoming game against Denver which I at first thought was a mistake, but I now realize is just his way of saying that he IS the Eagles.  Continue reading “Michael Vick Still Believes he’s the Sole Proprietor of the Eagles”

Andy Cohen: Sean Avery and I are Platonic Friends!

Sean Avery Andy Cohen instagramThere’s a really amazing[ly hard-to-believe] story that Bravo VP Andy Cohen is dating Elisha Cuthbert’s ex-boyfriend, former New York Ranger Sean Avery.

They are rumored to be secretly engaged after two-and-a-half years of dating, but Cohen insists they are strictly friends without benefits.

“Dude, Sean Avery is straight. Do you understand that? A gay guy and a straight guy should be able to be friends without you asking me if we’re engaged,” he told a paparazzi.

I think the only fucking they’re doing is with the media. In a never-ending game of hash tag, you’re it, Cohen’s response to relationship questions from fans on Twitter is “ask @imseanavery.”

The “I’d be happy if Sean and I were banging” thing also isn’t exactly clear evidence to the contrary…

 

I’d Be a Liar if I Said This 13-Year-Old on X-Factor Didn’t Just Make Me Cry

Rion Page X FactorI started watching X-Factor last year to see Britney Spears act a fool, and I’m continuing to watch this year for no reason at all… No reason until I saw 13-year-old Rion Page take the stage.

Page was born with a disorder that affected her joints and made her unable to bend her hands, is almost completely blind in one eye, and has an incredible voice and attitude.

Granted, I’m feeling extra emotional and would probably cry at a plastic bag if it was blowing the way that the one in American Beauty did, but a tween with this much confidence and talent (not to mention awesome parenting from her mom), made me smile and gave me, dare I say it, hope.  Continue reading “I’d Be a Liar if I Said This 13-Year-Old on X-Factor Didn’t Just Make Me Cry”

Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga Are Enemies Now, Blame Madonna

Perez Hilton Lady GagaLady Gaga revealed on Twitter that celebrity-blogger-turned-celebrity Perez Hilton is no longer her inside man. On Friday she let her followers in on when and why they had a falling out, and it’s pretty scandalous, not to mention unforgivable.

Apparently, on the day that she injured her hip so badly that the cartilage was “just hanging out,” Perez sent her a photo of the word “KARMA” and Madonna pointing a gun at her.

I don’t give a fuck if Perez is forced to worship at the alter of Madonna over Cher, Gaga, Celine Dion and anyone else for forever because Madge will break both his hips and arms with some sort of button in her evil organic lotion chamber (or maybe just a stare?), if he doesn’t. That’s messed up. AND now he’s stalking her…  Continue reading “Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga Are Enemies Now, Blame Madonna”

That’s So Raven’s Raven-Symoné is SO GAY

Disney star Raven-Symone let the Twitterverse know earlier this weekend that she is proud of America for overturning DOMA, the totally anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act enacted in 1996.

“I can finally get married! Yay government! So proud of you,” Symone wrote.

This confirms last year’s rumor that she is queerer than a two-dollar bill or high school student with a knack for predicting the future. She’s so gay and that is SO OKAY unless her girlfriend really is AzMarie from America’s Next Top ModelKind of a bitch. (You can do better.)

Go Raven, it’s not your birthday but you are exactly the same age as me and that makes you my black test tube Orphan Black twinsie clone for life.

Ashley Benson Does Her Best Amanda Bynes

Ashley Benson Amanda Bynes Amanda Bynes and Ashley Benson have almost nothing in common besides, oh, being blonde, having the same initials and starting out on family-friendly TV shows, but that didn’t stop Ashley (of Pretty Little Liars and Spring Breakers) from imitating Amanda on Instagram.

“Doing my Amanda Bynes look this afternoon,” Benson wrote under a photo of her in the full plastic pirate duck face Bynes so frequently makes on Twitter and Vine.

A bunch of people were like *GASP*, don’t make fun of crazy people! (Amanda is STILL in the psych ward for accidentally lighting her pants on fire in a stranger’s yard).

But I’m like, more power to her? It’s not like she actually called Amanda ugly or anything…

Read: Rihanna on Amanda Bynes: ‘See What Happens When They Cancel Intervention

 

Alec Baldwin FURIOUS at Daily Mail Writer, Deletes Twitter

Alec Baldwin wife funeralThe Daily Mail wrote an entire article on Alec Baldwin’s wife Hilaria updating her Twitter while she was at James Gandolfini’s funeral and Alec is MAD. Maybe madder than the time the flight attendants told him to stop playing Words With Friends on his phone or the time he called his daughter on the phone and called her a pig.

Baldwin was so enraged by the apparently untrue story about his wife using her phone during a funeral, he deleted his Twitter. But not before typing up a few slightly homo-centric tweets about the writer, George Stark, who he called a “toxic little queen,” and a “lying little bitch.”

Another favorite: “If put my foot up your f*cking ass, George Stark, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”

No idea why Hilaria Thomas wouldn’t want to pay attention to him or Gandolfini’s funeral. It’s not like social media isn’t her only escape now that she’s been knocked up by such a delightful guy.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin FURIOUS at Daily Mail Writer, Deletes Twitter”

‘Kick-Ass 2’ Starring Jim Carrey is Way Too Violent For Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey Kickass 2
Despite the first film being surprisingly violent and the latest being based on a comic with a cover that reads “Sickening violence: just the way you like it,” Jim Carrey is NOT happy with the content of Kick-Ass 2.

Carrey, who plays Colonel Stars and Stripes in the R-rated feature, wrote on Twitter that he “cannot support” certain parts of Kick-Ass 2 after the events at Sandy Hook Elementary.

“I did Kickass a month b4 Sandy Hook and now in all good conscience I cannot support that level of violence,” he said. “I meant to say my apologies to others involve with the film. I am not ashamed of it but recent events have caused a change in my heart.”

The writer and co-creator of the comic responded to the comments on his website. From HuffPost:

“As you may know, Jim is a passionate advocate of gun-control and I respect both his politics and his opinion, but I’m baffled by this sudden announcement as nothing seen in this picture wasn’t in the screenplay eighteen months ago,” Millar wrote on Millar World. “Yes, the body-count is very high, but a movie called Kick-Ass 2 really has to do what it says on the tin.”

It is very surprising and strange that Jim would suddenly not be okay with Kick-Ass 2 considering a final draft of the script included gang rape and possible decapitation of man’s best friend.

We won’t know what scenes from the comic made it into the movie until August, but it seems safe to assume that his sudden concern comes from a “neighborhood massacre,” as one Collider commenter put it, where Christopher Mintz-Plasse’s character shoots and kills a group of small children.  Continue reading “‘Kick-Ass 2’ Starring Jim Carrey is Way Too Violent For Jim Carrey”