Finally, Something That Can’t Fit Inside Vanessa Hudgens…

Vanessa Hudgens giant pizza A lot of things presumably fit inside of Vanessa Hudgens. The robots and monsters from Pacific Rim, cameramen, props from Spring Breakers, ice cream, Pet Sounds on vinyl, Nintendo GameCube, radiators, tape dispensers, Mickey Rourke’s plastic surgery… Human, foot, ping pong, basket, tennis and soccer balls…

Basically everything but Zac Efron and this giant pizza have been inside her. I mean look at that thing.

Surely whoever helped her make that mess in the background could eat it, but she just couldn’t without a stomach parasite and intermittent bathroom breaks. Right? Right.

Vanessa Hudgens Sings About ‘Pretty Pretty Packages’

Vanessa Hudgens YLAProfessional Zac Efron merkin Vanessa Hudgens has a new single to go along with her bikini movie. In “$$$ex,” her first song since 2009, Hudgens reminds us what we were missing.

“Can you feel my hot sex, heart stop beating,” sounds suspiciously like “can you feel my heart sex.” (Because who’s going to choose a vag when you could just pummel the four valves?)

Favorite lyric #2: “Pretty pretty packages all in a row, sugar snap firecrack tied up in a bow.”

Favorite lyric #3: “Fifty in his pocket, a condom in his wallet, he’s not gonna sleep tonight.”

Continue reading “Vanessa Hudgens Sings About ‘Pretty Pretty Packages’”

Trailer: Spring Breakers

Last year in September I wrote about the upcoming soon-to-be-forgotten disaster that is Spring Breakers, a movie consisting of half-naked ABC Family and Disney stars like Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Benson.

James Franco, who once wrote about the difference between fantasy and reality and only working on movies he “cares about,” is a cornrowed nightmare in this, smiling his creepy metal grin at young girls who appear to be the fantasy to his nightmare.  Continue reading “Trailer: Spring Breakers”

‘Spring Breakers’ Was Designed To Make You Feel Old And Perverted

EVEN THOUGH the stars of Spring Breakers (Ashley Benson, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Rachel Korine) are portraying college kids and are not technically minors, you will feel like a dirty pedophile after simply viewing one promotional photo.

Imagine what will happen when you see the movie. You’ll get put on “the list.” You know, the one viewable by location on the Offender Locator app.  Continue reading “‘Spring Breakers’ Was Designed To Make You Feel Old And Perverted”

Trailer: Frozen Ground

John Cusack plays a serial killer (based on real life-murderer Robert Hansen) who terrorizes young women in Alaska in the new movie Frozen Ground.

Number-one-best-actor-who-stars-in-the-worst-movies Nicolas Cage portrays the detective hot on Cusack’s murderous number-two-best-worst-actor trail.  Continue reading “Trailer: Frozen Ground”

Vanessa Hudgens, Method Actor?

The three edgiest acting gigs Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame has had are as follows…As Zac Efron’s beard, “Blondie” in Suckerpunch and #3, tricking people into thinking Mila Kunis had nude pics.

The edgiest thing she’s done as of now, involves staying at a homeless shelter for two weeks and cutting her own hair for a role in the streetrat pregnancy drama Gimme Shelter.

The movie, which co-stars Rosario Dawson as Vanessa’s junkie mother, shot last year. Hudgens revealed on Friday to Rachael Ray that she got downer and dirtier than usual to get into character.

“My character ends up at this pregnant, homeless teen shelter that’s in New Jersey. I actually went and stayed in a shelter for two weeks before I started filming, I lived there with all the girls, with all the kids. I actually cut my own hair for this movie.”