Video: Ella Eyre – “Comeback”

It might seem unusual for a debut album to have a song called “Comeback” on it, but at only 20 years old, obvious Best Hair in Music-haver Ella Eyre makes it work.

It’s about a scoundrel who “comes back” after cheating, but instead of being a weak ass weak sauce bad-guy-taker-backer, she breaks his dishes, dissects his flatscreen with a guitar and lights his ride on fire. With a little help from her friends, of course.  Continue reading “Video: Ella Eyre – “Comeback””

Dog-Like Cat Jumps 5 Feet to Greet Owner

deployed soldier catIn the most suspenseful video of 2014, a meowing cat impatiently waits for his soldier owner to arrive after being deployed for months.

The viewer takes on some of the cat’s anxiety, as it feels like it takes FOREVER for the door to open and the dude to walk in, set down a box, and catch the cat in the air as he leaps into his arms. So cute.

I relate to this. The last time I was downtown I did the same thing to a stranger but that was mostly because they had a cheese blintz in their hand. Begging them to adopt me and let me live in their pool house was probably mistake, but I don’t regret stealing the blintz.  Continue reading “Dog-Like Cat Jumps 5 Feet to Greet Owner”

Video: Miranda Lambert – “Somethin’ Bad” feat. Carrie Underwood

Oh my God I could care less about 90% of country music, but the ho’ed-out wives of Blake Shelton and Mike Fisher shook their knees in front of motorcycles and played poker with guys in fedoras for one of the most over-produced music videos ever and I’m pretty sure it’s under 3 minutes long because they ran out of money for bronzer. Continue reading “Video: Miranda Lambert – “Somethin’ Bad” feat. Carrie Underwood”

Fake kidnapping in Washington?

Jesse and Jason holden kidnappingJesse and Jason Holden (cousins) ran into Sequim’s Carrie Blake Park,  snatching a young boy. They ran the boy into a van and sped away while worried parents chased after them. Little did the parents know, this was all a set up. The mother of the child, Shellie Baskins, was waiting in the car for her child to be brought to her from the “kidnapper.” They later met up with a police officer who was previously informed that this act was going to happen and that it was to raise awareness for child abduction.

Only the people who were involved in the fake kidnapping and the few police officers were aware. Afterward, the cousins returned to the park to explain what there were trying to do. Everyone was outraged at the least.

The cousins and the mother were later charged with disorderly conduct. The trail dates have not yet been determined but the trio could be charged up to 364 days in jail or a $5,000 fine.

Continue reading “Fake kidnapping in Washington?”

Chris Martin has Big Beefy Arms to Impress Girls Not Named Gwyneth

Chris Martin buffThe only thing I ever liked about Coldplay satanist Chris Martin was the rumor that he got revenge on his ex – super healthy Gwyneth Paltrow – by buying fast food for their kids. I suppose there is one other thing I like, and that’s when Coldplay is in between albums and not making the cheesiest, most sleep-inducing music of all time.

Sadly, his band is still promoting Ghost Stories and have invaded Sydney to film their “A Sky Full of Stars” video, and Chris is apparently either enjoying a protein-rich, non-French Fry diet or has discovered steroids.

With giant arms, tulips bursting out of his guitar and a drum strapped to his back, he’s forgotten that most women would rather back up into a glory hole or have a one night stand with Verne Troyer than be with a birthday party magician. And that Nick Cannon’s character in Drumline is the only member of a marching band to ever get laid.

 

Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

The maturity of internet trolls combined with the confused faces of professional basketball players makes the second NBA edition of Mean Tweets comic gold. PRESS PLAY!

And I know my gossipy lowlife ass wasn’t the only one waiting with bated breath for the Kim Kardashian diss during the Kris Humphries portion.
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Little Justin Bieber LOVED Using the N-Word

racist justin bieber video stillWe the blissfully ignorant public have recently learned that between at least the ages of 14 and 15, Justin Bieber had a VERY strong affinity for the n-word…

In two separate videos obtained by TMZ and The Sun, we see a young chuckling Biebs telling a black joke involving a chainsaw and singing the popular church hymn “One Less Lonely N*gger.”

Literally, if I could dip into Justin Bieber’s swear jar I COULD AFFORD TO HIRE AN ASSASSIN TO KILL JUSTIN BIEBER and still be richer than my friends.  Continue reading “Little Justin Bieber LOVED Using the N-Word”

Video: Die Antwoord – “Pitbull Terrier”

In honor of habitual weirdos Die Antwoord’s new album, Donker Mag with titles like “Raging Zef Boner,”  “Don’t Fuk Me,” “Sex,” “Girl I Want 2 Eat U,” and “Happy Go Sucky Fucky” – dropping today, here’s a Reddit list of  pre-Antwoord music by Ninja.

Also, a link to an interview explaining how Yolandi’s pet rats “raped” each other multiplied like crazy on the set of the “Evil Boy” video. And a Gaga drag queen being eaten by a lion.
 
“Pitbull Terrier” (no relation to J-Lo’s Pitbull) features more animal-centric freakiness involving blood spatter, people dressed as cats and dogs, and a real rat dressed as nothing.

Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea

Potential song of the summer “Problem” by 20-year-old Ariana Grande and the white Azealia Banks, Iggy Azalea have a new video. Press play and notice the big hair and spirals… This is from a decade called the ’60s, 30 years or so before either of them were born.

In the ’60s, The Beatles became the first band to hold the no. 1 and 2 spots on the Billboard Hot 100, and it’s not until now that a second musical act has achieved that.
  
Iggy motherf*cking Azalea, a woman who once referred to herself as a “slave master” and writes things like “get your shit 2together girl” on Twitter, has something in common with The Beatles. Her song “Fancy” plus the guest vocals on “Problem” put her at 1 and 2.

Continue reading “Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea”

Popular Boy Band Gets High

Zayn Malik getting high If only cell phone cameras had been around in the late ’90s and early 2000s, I could have seen Britney Spears inspecting Justin Timberlake’s crunchy hair for lice after dropping ecstasyor Backstreet Boy AJ McLean taking shots and playing NBA Street with Hooters girls instead of rehearsing.

What I get instead is Louis Tomlinson of One Direction filming his band mate in a car in Peru with a joint in his hand and a motorcycle cop literally right outside the window and dear God I just don’t care about this kind of music anymore. 

Don’t blame the weed. One Direction are definitely terrible role models, but only because they don’t play any instruments and have no discernible talent. If you combined all five of them into one man, that man might be moderately attractive.  Continue reading “Popular Boy Band Gets High”

Justin Timberlake Dances With Michael Jackson

There’s a new Michael Jackson video (yes, “new”) for reasons unknown besides that people just aren’t done beating his sequined corpse like a piñata until dollar bills fall out…

“Love Never Felt So Good” for Justin Timberlake, who snaps his fingers while younger folks dance up a storm in front of old footage of Michael.
 
The next song from Jackson’s posthumous album Xscape will feature Tupac and John Denver.

What’s the most interesting about Justin Timberlake these days anyway? That he shares a barber with Brad Pitt or that you could pour syrup in his brow crease without any falling out? 
Read: Michael Jackson Hologram Rocks Billboard Music Awards: Go Behind the Scenes

Video: Eminem “Headlights” Feat. Nate Ruess

The most mother-hating man of all brilliantly released an apology to his Mom on Mother’s Day directed by an Oscar-nominee and featuring everyone’s go-to guest vocalist.

From Eminem, Spike Lee and Nate Ruess from .fun, with love to Debbie Mathers. Your son is all grown up and ready to hate you a little less than he used to…

But what the hell do bad mothers without famous sons have to look forward to? 

Video: The Pretty Reckless – “Heaven Knows”

Interesting things are happening in pop music… Things that have nothing to do with Lady Gaga! Lily Allen wrote an entire song about it, but if you’re looking for the antithesis of Lorde, it’s Taylor Momsen.

She’s an entire year younger than Miley Cyrus, dirtier than Ke$ha and applies eyeliner with a paint roller. I feel the same way about her that some women do about sweaty James Franco selfies. It’s harder to admit that you sometimes find this person attractive than it is to masturbate to American Horror Story: Asylum.
   
This video for “Heaven Knows” is a few months old, but attention-grabbing. I mean, one second she’s harmonizing with a bunch of children and the next she’s ripping her clothes off…  Continue reading “Video: The Pretty Reckless – “Heaven Knows””

Video: Katy Perry – “Birthday”

So many musicians – even those who make stripper pop – are out to impress their ever-disappointed parents, but I believe Katy Perry releases at least one music video per album with the goal of giving her preacher father an aneurysm. Unfortunately, this one doesn’t quite have the nudity to do the trick.

Like Charlize Theron, Perry loves ugling herself up for the sake of her art. She’s also ten million acres of firework and whipped cream trucks out of the league of every guy she dates, but that’s another story.

In the “Birthday” video, a sort of follow-up to “Last Friday Night,” she’s unrecognizable as 4 of the 5 characters of different genders and religions (the Bar Mitzvah DJ is the ultimate f*ck you to daddy) she plays.

Continue reading “Video: Katy Perry – “Birthday””

Video: Lady Gaga – “G.U.Y.”

Lady Gaga‘s self-directed “G.U.Y.” video (with a hint of “Venus”) starts like The Walking Dead and The Hunger Games and ends with gold, and lots of it. Brutal rags to endless riches, with Gaga sporting the longest hair extensions ever and humping the air like a female Bobby Brown, only with more crack.

The queen of pretension (she let someone vomit on her at SXSW in the name of “creative rebellion”) really outdoes herself this time. An 8 minute video with 3 minutes of credits? The sheer laziness of this makes me want to jump into an active volcano.

Did I mention that she brings Michael Jackson, Jesus and Gandhi back from the dead?  Continue reading “Video: Lady Gaga – “G.U.Y.””

Adam Sandler Will Still Love Drew Barrymore When Her Boobs ‘Touch The Floor’

Adam Sandler Drew Barrymore tonight showThis generation’s g-spot crowd-pleaser, Jimmy Fallon, has been getting especially good guests since his switch from Late Night to The Tonight Show.

Following “Ew” with Michelle Obama and Will Ferrell (in drag) and History of Rap 5 with Justin Timberlake, Jimmy brought together Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore – who played lovers in The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates and Blended, set to release later this year – for a duet.

Barrymore and an adorably sloppy Sandler serenade each other in the “Every 10 Years Song,” and it’s super sweet considering Adam references her boobs and his boner.

Continue reading “Adam Sandler Will Still Love Drew Barrymore When Her Boobs ‘Touch The Floor’”