Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

Video: Jessie J – “Bang Bang” Feat. Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj

“Bang Bang,” is a song by music’s Vampira featuring big voice-having little person Ariana Grande and inspiration for the “ass like a cadillac” line, Nicki Minaj.

Jessie j vampira
                                               Tell me you don’t see it…

From Grande’s uncomfortable mating dance to the Wham sample, the video is as sad as Minaj’s staged wardrobe malfunction at the VMAs. (Not to mention all the attendees knowing they’re going to win/lose ahead of time.)  Continue reading “Video: Jessie J – “Bang Bang” Feat. Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj”

This Year’s VMAs are Cursed

scary britney spearsThe 2014 VMAs haven’t even begun and they’re already more interesting than they’ve been in a long long time…

So far, Suge Knight was shot, Nicki Minaj’s dancer was bit by a snake during rehearsals, Iggy Azalea fell backwards off the stage AAAND this year’s show is officially cursed.

Knight is currently in intensive care recovering from stomach and arm injuries caused by gunfire at Chris Brown’s pre-party, Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj’s dancer – who was attacked by a boa constrictor during a run-through of “Anaconda” – appear to be fine.Individually, we could assume that Tupac cursed Suge Knight from the grave for being involved in his murder and Nicki had bad karma after cursing Iggy Azalea for stealing her thunder, OR we could apply actual logic and say that Suge is a known gangster and Iggy’s ass and gravity are as deadly a combination as wild animals and human dancers.

All I have to say is, this is what happens when you don’t invite Britney Spears.

Most Generic Pop Culture Halloween Costume of the Year Goes to… Paris Hilton!

Paris hilton halloween costume 2013 Miley In skinny showbiz-person news NOT related to Olivia Wilde’s pregnancy, Paris Hilton got all dressed up like Miley at the VMA’s, foam finger and all, strutting her stuff across the abysmal plain known as the Los Santos Los Angeles party scene.

Paris asked her Instagram followers two daunting, life-altering questions: “Like my Miley costume?” and “Twerk of Treat?”

This is Paris’ second costume of 2013, following her even less original Barbie getup from Saturday. (I was absolutely convinced it was Honey Boo Boo for all of 5 seconds.) Maybe she could just go as herself in various stages of her life beginning with her sex tape and ending with The Simple Life, though putting a spear through her head while holding a Carl’s Jr. hamburger seems like her actual best bet in terms of crowd pleasing.

Lady Gaga’s Message to Miley…

Miley Gaga t in front of work
During her visit to Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Lady Gaga talked about her days as a stripper, coyly said she couldn’t decided which member of One Direction was her favorite, and dropped a bomb of wisdom about everybody’s favorite obsession/thing to hate.

While Gaga said that “everybody is entitled to their own artistic expression” in reference to Miley, she thinks the term “twerk” is ridiculous, and I agree, because we don’t need a new word for booty shaking.

I’d rather plank inside a volcano filled with Tebowing, “Gangnam Style” dance and Monster Claw-doing Little Monsters than acknowledge twerking.  Continue reading “Lady Gaga’s Message to Miley…”

The Woman Who Had Her Butt Grabbed by Robin Thicke Thinks You’re All Being a Bit Dramatic

Robin Thicke grabbing buttRobin Thicke caused a big stink when a photo of him posing with a socialite at a VMA party with his hand totally on her butt surfaced. Honestly I do think it is more common for a dude to put his palm on a woman’s back or shoulder when posing for a photo, but it’s Robin Thicke.

I don’t mean that like, he sings “Blurred Lines” so of course he can randomly grope whoever and it’s unsurprising. That song is actually about his wife (not rape, you twats)

“My wife is Mrs. Good Girl… gradually over our marriage I’ve turned her into a bad girl,” Thicke told Howard Stern on the controversy surrounding the song’s meaning.

Back to what I was saying… It’s Robin Thicke, handsome soulful son of Alan Thicke. Paula Patton (wifey) was probably standing right next to him when he took that photo. The woman in question, Lana Scolaro, a sort of cross between Taylor Momsen and Nicky Hilton, says you’re all overreacting. And she’s right.

Continue reading “The Woman Who Had Her Butt Grabbed by Robin Thicke Thinks You’re All Being a Bit Dramatic”

Olivia Wilde Comments on Twerking

Miley cyrus olivia wildeYou know how I feel about twerking. It’s awesome when the one woman goes to Wal-Mart and makes a “twerking by the cakes” video, but if anyone ever says that Miley killed at the VMAs, they’d be referring to the death of the twerk.

Cat eye Drinking Buddies vixen Olivia Wilde had this to say during a Reddit Q&A, after being asked what she would do if she could go back in time and witness any historical event:

“The burning of Joan of Arc. I’d grab her and run and tell her that in the future Miley Cyrus is our saint and Joan must learn the art of twerking.”

Bahahaha. People tend to forget that she’s actually funny when they look at her face, but this is the woman who once said “In a thousand years archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.”  Continue reading “Olivia Wilde Comments on Twerking”

Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself

'N sync vmasHere’s a funny one – Justin Timberlake commissioned a reunion show with N*SYNC…and then cut half of it.

JT reportedly reached out to the former band members and convinced them to do a reunion show at the VMAs on Sunday, as he would be accepting the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award and had a 15-minute performance time to work with.

Rumors began swirling last week that the band had something in the works, putting dangerous amounts of stress on 20-something-year-old girls across the country.

But when the band did their thing, the performance was met with a ton of disappointment. Probably because the band only performed one song. The set was originally intended to feature a full medley of N*SYNC hits, but JT reportedly kept cutting it back more and more, reducing it to the 2-minute quickie we saw on Sunday.  Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself”

Miley Cyrus Horrified at the VMAs Last Night

Miley Cyrus Beetlejuice Everyone’s talking about Miley Cyrus’ “shocking” performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. Honestly the most horrible thing about it besides her looking like one of those street kids from the 90s who either sucks dicks for five cents or looks like they do as a fashion statement, was the fact that Robin Thicke agreed to let her sing part of his sexy summer anthem “Blurred Lines.”

She really can’t sing at all. She’s basically just a back alley doll that bends over and jiggles when you pull a string in her back.

Oh heyyyy. This one thing is sexual, I better do it so people will pay attention to me. Look at my edgy hair. I’m the next Gwen Stefani! Wooooo, look at me go.

NO. The only good that came out of that performance besides the Vanessa Bayer intro is this photoshop masterpiece of Robin as Beetlejuice getting his dick ground off by her thin white tailbone.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Horrified at the VMAs Last Night”

Post “Taylor Swift” Audio Clip of Kanye Emerges

Kanye west stealing taylor swiftKanye is like a hemorrhoid that just won’t go away.  You think he’s gone and will stop being such a pain in the ass, and then BOOM, he comes sneaking back, this time in the form of a nearly 4-year-old audio clip immediately following the Taylor Swift VMA incident in 2009.

In the clip, Kanye is flying off the handle in an attempt to justify his actions during the 2009 VMAs when he ran up on stage and killed Taylor Swift’s soul.  Some gems:

“And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé.” (That doesn’t make sense).

“‘Cause there ain’t gonna be no more motherfucking Elvises with no James Browns.” (Solid use of metaphor).  Continue reading “Post “Taylor Swift” Audio Clip of Kanye Emerges”

Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]

I’m watching the VMAs right now and as usual, I’ve been tricked into it.

Tricked by my own memories, memories of Rage Against The Machine, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and slave Britney Spears with a snake, (hell I’d take post-bald Britney huffing around to “Gimme More”).

This time, Kevin Hart hosts. He’s like tiny Chris Rock, without the humor. Lackluster Hart came out surrounded by midget bodyguards, then rhymed his way through some Laffy Taffy jokes, spending more time congratulating people than insulting them.  Continue reading “Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-6-12]

Rihanna’s groped at VMAs, debuts new Winona Ryder ‘do. (Necole Bitchy)

Another Kristen Stewart interview from before the scandal. (ONTD!)

Demi Lovato “relieved” to hear bipolar disorder diagnosis. (MTV)

Country star Kellie Pickler shaves head to support friend with breast cancer (EW)

Lupe Fiasco may be quitting rap for literature. (Huffington Post)

The CW to develop Wonder Woman television series called “Amazon.” (Vulture)

Katy Perry’s little brother David is a wannabe pop star, here’s his song. (Spin)

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton smiles while watching husband Bill’s  speech (Gawker)

Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson Still Have To Promote The Hell Out Of ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 2’

Catwoman told Bruce Wayne that “there’s a storm coming” and that seems to fit with this whole Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart debacle.

This time, there’s another storm coming. Besides the original cheating scandal photos and the public apology and Robert Pattinson moving out and saying he wants to have a chat with Rupert Sanders…

I’m talking about the final promotional tour for the Twilight franchise. These two have to co-present at the 2012 VMAs, and go to various premieres in L.A., New York and London not to mention photo shoots and other random events.

Breaking Dawn: Part 2 is in theaters November 16 but the appearances begin with the MTV Video Music Awards on September 6.  Continue reading “Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson Still Have To Promote The Hell Out Of ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 2’”

Beyonce Is Prego

Today Beyonce officially announced that she is in fact pregnant. She reportedly pointed and cupped her belly at the VMA Pre-Show AND before her performance of “Love On Top” she said,

“I want you to feel the love that’s growing inside me.”  (creepy)

Jay-Z And Kanye jumped all over the place… And later her agent confirmed the pregnancy to reporters.

This is her and Jay-Z’s first baby together. They were abruptly married in 2008 and have since led very normal lives as a duo, as normal as two of the biggest names in the industry can.

Rumors of Jay-Z’s infidelity have surfaced earlier this summer, somebody named Vashtie Kola claimed she was going to steal Jay away from Mrs. Beyonce Knowles. Sounds like an empty threat to me…

Continue reading “Beyonce Is Prego”

Chris Brown BUTCHERS Nirvana

Soooo, Chris brown came out at the VMAs to dance along to a bunch of songs. He did not sing at all, though he pretended too, barely. Even if he had sung it wouldn’t have mattered because it was complete techno auto-tune bullshit.

THEN he proceeded to dance his way through a variety of songs, including Wu-Tang Clan and Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

Nothing in the history of the VMAs has embarrassed me more. Not Britney Spears’ sad slow-roasting sausage dance to “Gimme More” in 2007. NOT Coldplay, not the Michael Jackson tribute, which could have been much more elaborate…

Continue reading “Chris Brown BUTCHERS Nirvana”

Lady Gaga’s Big Manly VMA Surprise

Well, we’ve been hearing for a week now that we were going to see something from Lady Gaga that we’ve “never seen before” at the VMAs. My thought was, well, of course we’re going to see something we’ve never seen before. It’s the first 2011 VMAs ever, that’s different right there.

So her big surprise is – she came out on stage at  the beginning of the show dressed as her male alter ego Jo Calderone and sang her piano ballad “You & I.” Brian May from Queen even came out to play guitar for her.

Basically she just talked WAY too much, blew puffs of smoke and looked exactly like the girl who dresses up in drag in 1985’s Just One Of The Guys and also the desperate girl gang member in Westside Story.

Oh, also, Justin Bieber made a face like someone had just skinned his mom. Poor kid, terrorized by Al Pacino with a vagina on the day of the VMAs!

Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter IV, Drops August 29th at 12 AM

August 29, 2011, the day after the VMAs, at midnight, is the official release date for the much anticipated Lil’ Wayne album Tha Carter IV. Tha Carter IV, which was delayed by Weezy’s eight month stint in jail, will be available digitally after the MTV Video Music Awards, which he is also slated to perform at.

Lil’ Wayne, a notorious workaholic, has been extra busy lately, he released a mixtape on July 13th humorously titled Sorry 4 The Wait (In reference to Tha Carter 4/IVAND he’s officially announced a collaboration album with fellow Cash/Young Money signee Drake.

He said in a press statement on his surprise album release,

“I am extremely excited to be the first artist to utilize such an amazing idea. I hope that I can open the door for others.”

Continue reading “Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter IV, Drops August 29th at 12 AM”