The Internet Especially Hates These Photos of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Kim and Kanye Vogue 1
The latest Vogue spread featuring Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and their daughter North has its own “Kanye taking a picture of your selfie” meme and has caused Sarah Michelle Gellar and others to consider canceling their subscriptions, which probably means it was a success.

You’ll notice the photo below has a wall of mirrors as a backdrop and not a single reflection of Kanye. BuzzfeedCelebuzz and others had appropriate responses, guessing what was actually on the iPad and placing him at the scene of other famous selfies.
Kim and Kanye mirrorOf everything to come from Kim’s whirlwind romance with Vogue, the profile, written by Hamish Bowles, is truly the worst best. Bowles compares Kim’s eyelashes to a “humming-bird’s wings” (pretty sure even the most anal bird scholar would accept “hummingbird,” but okay) and calls Kanye a “creative polyglot.”

The wording of someone with a thesaurus AND knowledge that the people he wrote the article about won’t actually be able to read it.

Continue reading “The Internet Especially Hates These Photos of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West”

Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?

Kim and Kanye vogueTurns out, Anna Wintour isn’t opposed to Kim Kardashian, or hashtags (the latest cover of Vogue features both). Or maybe the magazine’s bloodmother just likes money as much as Kim and the rest of the Kardashians.

Her and her perfect mate, the male version of her in terms of credit limit and ego size, Kanye West, are featured in the issue after more than a year of whispers that Wintour would never allow a woman who contributes so little to society the satisfaction of gracing the cover.

To be fair, Vogue is all about fashion, and her and Kanye are pivotal figures during fashion week and any stylish red carpet event the pair end up invited to. Co-owner of Dash and the Kardashian Kollection line that appears in stores that her and her sisters would never shop at, Kim probably does “deserve” to be recognized in this capacity.  Continue reading “Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?”

I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text

katy perry and russellIn the new issue of Vogue, Katy Perry admits that her previous boyfriends were very intelligent but had more irreversible problems than abused shelter dogs. Her husband of just over a year, Russell Brand, divorced her in a text message, and it wasn’t until she learned the “real truth” that she was able to move on and date fellow jerkbag John Mayer.

“I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day,” Perry said. “I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”

Katy needs to move to Oregon where it always rains and tell us what the hell she’s got on Russell.

I want to say it absolutely has to do with drugs or sex, but I guess it’d be more shocking to find out that he collects commemorative MLK stamps or eats cake out of the trash. Continue reading “I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text”

Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week

Pamela Anderson boobs 2013Michael Keaton nakedMiley Cyrus monokini
Partially naked Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus are like the three Fun Dip flavors, except fewer people want to lick the stick for fear of hepatitis (from at least two of them, right?).

Here’s how this happened… Pro white mamba charmer Pamela Anderson posed for Brazilian Vogue, actually looking better at 45 than monokini Miley on the new cover of her “We Can’t Stop” single...
Miley cyrus borat swimsuit
Then Michael Keaton, the only acceptable Batman, jumped around Times Square in his undies while filming Birdman, co-starring Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts and Edward Norton.

I know your freaky ass is marrying Beetlejuice. But who do you f*ck and who do you kill?  Continue reading “Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week”

Beyonce For Vogue, March 2013

Beyonce Vogue 2013 Before her big night(s) at the Super Bowl and Grammys (to which she wore a similarly underwhelming black and white trouser and top combo), Beyonce did an interview with Vogue that generated a headline about Blue Ivy being her best and only friend in the world.

This is not entirely true. Vogue did in fact incorporate unique quotes from pals like Gemini’s Twin member Kelly Rowland, mother Tina Knowles, Alicia Keys (who said she has “more power than any woman”) and Gwyneth Paltrow (friends with everybody). GQ did the same thing in their extra strange interview with Bey, enlisting Solange for what felt like half the interview.

Maybe Beyonce just isn’t filling enough space on the page? Here are the parts she did fill in, with crayons, for Vogue’s March issue…  Continue reading “Beyonce For Vogue, March 2013”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-18-13]

Hurricane Sandy models vogueAnnie Leibovitz shoots sexy Hurricane Sandy firefighters and models for Vogue. (Gawker)

Breaking news: Michelle Obama changed her hair! Has bangs now. (Hollywood Life)

Elizabeth Banks says you’re not a real mom until you have two kids. (Evil Beet)

The son of the woman who created Barney arrested for attempted murder. (Daily Mail)

Manti Te’o‘s dated a fake girlfriend to distract from his sexuality? (Huffington Post)

Find out who’s the woman in David Furnish and Elton John’s relationship. (RumorFix)

Channing Tatum’s wife stole his hair, took his sperm and makes him hold boxes. (ohmyGAHH!)

Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012

Robert Pattinson plays peek-a-boo with the camera in a slightly misguided shoot for L’Uome Vogue. Somebody on ONTD! wrote that he looks like “the lovechild of Zorro and Nosferatu.”

Though I really can’t disagree, I’d add that it appears that one of the less mutated Hills Have Eyes lurkers stole from the a drama room costume chest and let his cousin-wife take pictures of him inside the old airplanes and cars that belonged to their victims.

Since text for this one doesn’t exist yet, we’ll go over some random election and Breaking Dawn kissing quotes from Pattinson on Jimmy Kimmel.  Continue reading “Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012”

Kate Upton Transitions From Jerk Off Titty Girl to “High Fashion” Titty Girl in Vogue

When Kate Upton appeared on the low camel-toe edition of Sports Illustrated this year, Victoria Secret Stylist Sophia Neophitou told the New York Times, ” We would never use her… She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy.”

Ouch, well Ms. Neophitou can kiss Kate’s big generic ass now that the model is high fashion’s new “it” girl. Ugh I feel like I’m on the set of Gossip Girl all of a sudden.

Former Paris Vogue Editor Carine Roitfeld dubbed her “The New Girl”, which sounds way better than “beat off material for teenage boys who steal their mom’s annual Victoria Secret Catalogue.” Nobody jerks off to Vogue. Nobody but Anna.  Continue reading “Kate Upton Transitions From Jerk Off Titty Girl to “High Fashion” Titty Girl in Vogue”

Rihanna For Vogue, November 2012

Who do you think Rihanna talks about in the latest issue of Vogue? Could it possibly be Chris Brown? If you guessed that, you are right but do not deserve a reward of any kind because it’s the most obvious answer ever.

Shot by Annie Leibovitz, who also photographed her first cover in April 2011, Rihanna says the world is “obsessed” with her and Brown.

“To the world, I feel like there’s no closure. There’s some obsession that’s continued even throughout when we weren’t friends or couldn’t be friends at all. Hated each other. The world hasn’t let go. They haven’t seen any progress in our friendship, because they don’t see anything really.”

“I don’t know if people will stop soon, but I feel like as soon as they have closure to it, they will. But they’re not on the inside. They can’t see what I see, unless they’re sitting in my point of view. I guess I’ll learn to accept that.”  Continue reading “Rihanna For Vogue, November 2012”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-21-12]

Tim Tebow Vogues it up in Vogue, pushes tire using Jesus strength. (Deadspin)

Guess how man people have already been misled by 3D Apple Maps? (Gizmodo)

Lindsay Lohan and Chalie Sheen, in bed together. (ohmyGAHH!)

New Tegan and Sara track “Closer” is synth pop heaven. (Rolling Stone)

O.J. Simpson‘s houseguest Kato Kaelin says O.J. definitely “did it.” (L.A. Times)

Animal print bikinis for children by Elizabeth Hurley?? (Celebitchy)

Calvin Klein hired a private investigator to follow his ex-boyfriend. (NY Daily News)

90’s sensations Smash Mouth collaborate with Guy Fieri. (Grouchy Muffin)

Lana Del Rey For Vogue Australia, October 2012

Indie princess Lana Del Rey covers Vogue Australia‘s October issue. Though I have not read the whole interview, VA’s website says Lana “reveals there’s more to her than sultry videos, Americana glamour and a whole lot of hoopla.”

Who said Lana was full of hoopla besides people who got weird preconceived notions from watching Saturday Night Live and never realized her talent as a songwriter of beautifully ironic pop music (she’s currently working on a reissue of Born To Die, called Paradise). Other things learned from Vogue’s summary – she wears a mink coat as pajamas, loves spaghetti, chocolate cake, diamonds and fast cars.  Continue reading “Lana Del Rey For Vogue Australia, October 2012”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-2-12]

Lady Gaga, before and after Vogue photoshop disaster. (Evil Beet)

Photographic proof that Katy Perry and John Mayer are still dating. (Examiner)

Obama is a HUGE Clint Eastwood fan (Chicago Tribune)

Seal’s rep is trying to tell us that Seal wasn’t calling Heidi Klum a cheater. (People)

Chris Pine on a motorcycle in some Tom Clancy movie. (Huffington Post)

Oil price analyst says gas could cost $3.25 a gallon by the end of the year. (CNN)

Paul Ryan lied about running a marathon in less than three hours. (Gawker)

You’re not good enough for PlayboyCourtney Stodden. (Daily Mail)

Chef at prominent New York restaurant accused of sexually harassing 22 employees. (Jezebel)

Lady Gaga For Vogue, September 2012

Lady Gaga is channeling RuPaul on the cover of Vogue in an amethyst Marc Jacobs dress, or, according to her she’s channeling him. To be fair she did write on Twitter/Facebook “If only I was as fierce as you bitch. I did try to come for you with that weave.”

She may have awesome hair in that now-I-know-what happens-when-I-put-my-finger-in-an-electrical-socket sort of way, but  let’s hope Anna Wintour (editor-in-chief/inspiration for The Devil Wears Prada) doesn’t have Gaga whacked for leaking the cover.

From LittleMonsters.com:

“SHH DONT TELL TWITTER/ SEPT ISSUE OF VOGUE MAGAZINE/ Sorry Anna but the underground kids deserve it. bisous!”

Here are some highlights from her interview…  Continue reading “Lady Gaga For Vogue, September 2012”

Emma Stone For Vogue, July 2012

Vogue is as in love with Emma Stone as the rest of the country. She’s covering both U.S. Vogue for the first time and Teen Vogue (August) with sticky-fingered spandex-wearing Andrew Garfield.

To Vogue, singular, she talked about panic attacks, the importance of being an actress, and fashion.

Garfield, Spider-Man’s producer Matt Tolmach, and director Marc Webb also praised her repeatedly, using words like “thrilling,” “stunning,” spontaneous,” and “disarming.”

On acting:
“I’m not saving lives. But I get to tell stories, and that’s a pretty important task.”

Fashion’s effect on people:
“It makes them feel like it’s an extension of themselves.”

Continue reading “Emma Stone For Vogue, July 2012”

Vogue Vows To Only Work With ‘Healthy’ Models

Editors of every global edition of Vogue, including American, French and Italian have agreed to hire models who are at least 16 years old and who do not appear anorexic in the new “Health Initiative.”

They pledge to promote realism and to not contribute to the growing, unrealistic body image issues of women. Jonathan Newhouse, chairman of the publishing company behind Vogue says:

Vogue believes that good health is beautiful, Vogue editors around the world want the magazines to reflect their commitment to the health of the models who appear on the pages and the wellbeing of their readers.”  Continue reading “Vogue Vows To Only Work With ‘Healthy’ Models”

Taylor Swift For Vogue, February 2012

After blurry, obscured photos of Taylor Swift’s Vogue cover emerged, you know the kind where some miscreant in the industry held their camera phone over it and anonymously sent it out. Same situation with Lindsay’s Playboy cover, remember?

None of that matters now because I can hardly believe people couldn’t just wait till the real cover came out, and it did a few days later along with the entire spread.

Yeeeeehaaaaw, this shoot makes me think that Vogue should be individualized per state. This, for instance is Vogue Alabama circa 1977, bathrobe caught in lawnmower? Check. Floppy hat? Check. Heartache? Check.

She tells Jonathan Van Meter, “I think I am smart unless I am really, really in love, and then I am ridiculously stupid…There’s just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak.”

Continue reading “Taylor Swift For Vogue, February 2012”

Olsen Twins *Bleck* Cover Vogue’s ‘Best Dressed’

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen grace the cover of Vogue’s best dressed special edition. Mark Holgate, Vogue Fashion News Director and editor of this particular issue called the decision to label them the most stylish sisters a “no brainer.”

Well, Mark Holgate, I don’t agree. Besides, there are no other celebrity sisters besides the Kardashians, who I happen to like better since they don’t take themselves seriously.

This cover is borderline incest-y AND missing the third and newly relevant younger Olsen sis, Elizabeth, who has filmed six movies within two years. By way of common sense, you have to figure that at least two of those movies are going to be legitimate.

Continue reading “Olsen Twins *Bleck* Cover Vogue’s ‘Best Dressed’”