Angelina Jolie’s Wedding Dress: Business in the Front, Party in the Back

Angelina jolie wedding dress front and back
The most beautiful couple of all time (Sorry, Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello) got married in a secret ceremony last weekend and in usual Jolie fashion, it wasn’t all ordinary.

White dress: check. Designer dress: check. Drawings all over the back of the dress: check.

In the words of someone over at Gawker, the dress was designed by the master tailor at Atelier Versace and A BUNCH OF SCREAMING CHILDREN!!!

Yes, Jolie adorably gave her children the dress as a canvas to display their artwork, and the entire back was covered in pictures of well, all I can make out are flowers, but I think I also see a plane and a robot and possibly Billy Bob Thornton waving goodbye.  Continue reading “Angelina Jolie’s Wedding Dress: Business in the Front, Party in the Back”

Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?

Rob Kardashian airport missed weddingThe least important Kardashian was not present at his sister’s elegant Italian wedding due to reported “major family drama” just a few hours prior.

If I had to guess, I’d say Rob couldn’t afford to buy the two seats on the plane for himself, or that he just barely missed the doctor-approved second trimester of pregnancy… but fat shaming isn’t cool even when it’s a man, right guys?

We always remember that people of privilege have infinite access to personal trainers, but forget that they also have unlimited access to Pringles.

Also not able to make the wedding, Jay-Z, Beyoncé and fellow lesser-valued stock member of the Kardashian/Jenner Klan and Matthew Fox lookalike Brody Jenner.  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?”

Shenae Grimes Walked the Aisle in a Black Wedding Dress

Shenae Grimes wedding dressYou may know Shenae Grimes as Annie Wilson on that blasphemous remake of Beverly Hills 90210, but before The CW spoiled her with L.A. sunbeams and endless Frappés, she played virginal spirit squad member Darcy Edwards on Degrassi.

(Me and an army of Canadian Mounties refuse to accredit 90210 for anything.)

Anyway, Darcy/Shenae/not-Annie laughed in the face of tradition when she wore a black Vera Wang dress at her May 10 hipster wedding (Keira Knightley, eat your heart out) to British model and musician Josh Beech at a HAUNTED hall in Ashford, England.

That girl would never have paid homage to the harlot witches of Salem if she hadn’t been corrupted by American television. I’m a second away from picking up my rotary phone and telling my nosy neighbors what happens when you play the Josh Beech record backwards.  Continue reading “Shenae Grimes Walked the Aisle in a Black Wedding Dress”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-1-13]

Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris wedding photosCrystal Harris killed one of Hef’s white peacocks to make her wedding dress. (Too Fab)

Happy New Year’s from the shared bed of Rihanna and Chris Brown. (ONTD!)

Snooki wants to lose more weight, make money and be a better person. (Celebuzz)

A list of everything that needs to happen for celebrities in 2013. (Evil Beet)

Hillary Clinton expected to make full recovery from blood clot. (Los Angeles Times)

Liam Gallagher talks Mumford & Sons, acoustic guitars, lentil soup and “nits.” (NME)

The latest movie ending Samuel L. Jackson rightfully dislikes is Lincoln. (Huffington Post)

 

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-22-12]

Lady Gaga gets married to Taylor Kinney in new “You and I” fashion vid. (Celebuzz)

The Miss World pageant might be completely fixed. (Examiner)

Daniel Day-Lewis IS Abraham Lincoln, not that vampire-hunter guy. (Screen Rant)

The ring Chad Kroeger bought Avril cost more than a nickel. (Daily Mail)

Beyonce‘s post-baby body for House Of Dereon. (People)

Desperate porn star says he had a threesome with 20-year-old Kim Kardashian. (Radar)

Taylor Swift crashed a wedding. A KENNEDY wedding! (Gawker)

Mama said knock the intruder out. LL Cool J detains burglar. (Yahoo!)

Sam Claflin confirmed to play Finnick in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. (Huffington Post)