Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face

Angelina and brad The Normal Heart Angelina Jolie white face
Angelina Jolie‘s makeup put-er-on-er let her down in a big way. Jolie arrived at a screening of her husband’s film, The Normal Heart with flour or cocaine all over her cheeks and nobody bothered to tell her!

That’s right, the most beautiful woman in the world forgot to look in a mirror…

Brad probably thought about mentioning it, but was afraid she’d spit venom and then a tail with a stinger would come out from under her dress and burning green venom would fly out of her lips as soon as he did.

You know, method acting to prepare for her role as a giant scorpion in Jurassic World. 

“What looks perfect in normal lighting can appear totally different when you have the harsh lights of flashing cameras on you,” Mark celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenberg tells Us Weekly. “Many women think you can just touch up with any powder for a red carpet event, but all powders have different finishing textures.”

Mystery of the white woman doing whiteface, solved. Whoever chose that powder has no business working with anyone but people who don’t matter, like the cast of Sharknado 2. And redheads.  Continue reading “Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face”

PR Woman Justine Sacco is too White to Get AIDS

A woman who works for the company that owns College Humor, Vimeo, OkCupid and About.com, to name a few, deleted her Twitter account over a distasteful joke about AIDS.

Earlier today, IAC media employee Justine Sacco posted the following tweet:
Justine sacco aids tweet
This type of joke wouldn’t have been noticed by anyone if it had merely been spoken out loud to an audience at any comedy club, but a businesswoman of her stature should probably know better.

With the Help of Makeup and Photoshop, Tyra Banks Becomes White

Tyra as cara dBlack supermodel Tyra Banks recently posted photos of herself transformed into a few white supermodels, which upset a handful of idiots who complained about “whiteface” somehow being as bad as blackface.

This reminds me of the fucking cockamamie argument that it’s okay for us all to say the n-word just because black people do. Funny because I don’t recall anyone voluntarily entering shackles in the 1800s.

It’s also Tyra Banks, the maniacal puppetmaster who told us all to kiss her fat ass as she impersonated a homeless person, an ugly person (or was that the same episode?), and dressed her ANTM girls up in everything from drag to their birthday suits and dangled them out of windows for fun.

The Cara Delevingne impression is actually spot-on. Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford not so much. In a new batch of photos she uses her magic to become black again, mimicking Iman and Grace Jones.

Sorry Jenna Dewan, But Channing Tatum is the White Devil

channing tatum albino In the upcoming Wachowski Brothers’ flick, Jupiter Ascending, due summer of 2014 (because it’s sci-fi and sci-fi takes foreverrrr *cough* *cough* Avatar *cough* Prometheus), our boy Channing Tatum plays a knee pad-wearing assassin cross between a wolf and a human who also happens to be an albino…

This is the only time I’m ever going to bring up The Matrix Reloaded, ever, but if you remember, the Wachowskis utilized a set of 50% bald white Stevie Wonder lookin’ motherfuckers in that too, which had me wondering….

Why are there more albinos in the future? Does that mean there’s hope for me?

Also, is there hope for this movie, or Jenna Dewan if he still looks like that in the bedroom during filming?

Michael B. Jordan Up For Human Torch Role in ‘Fantastic Four’ Reboot

Michael Jordan human torch According to sources, Friday Night Lights star Michael B. Jordan is in talks to play the Human Torch in a Fantastic Four remake.

The movie, not due in theaters until 2015, already has a director in Josh Trank, who worked with Jordan on Chronicle.

Johnny Storm (Torch) is white in the ongoing Marvel series and was played by Chris Evans in the 2005 and 2007 films.

Allison Williams of Girls is said to be in contention to play his sister, Susan.

I’m just going to go ahead and say that I usually don’t like when movies pull a race switcheroo. If the character is white in the source material, why make him black? Just because you can?  Continue reading “Michael B. Jordan Up For Human Torch Role in ‘Fantastic Four’ Reboot”

Victoria Jackson Wants ‘White History Month’ To Come Before Black History Month

Victoria Jackson crazyAngry bag of wet cats Victoria Jackson has decided that the first day of Black History Month is the perfect time to talk about why January should be called “White History Month” in honor of important dead white men.

Ironically, Jackson is the black mold (and black ice) of the conservative party who (I think) pretends to thrive on choking out the freedoms of people who don’t share her views because she’s really bored and attention-starved.

In a now-deleted article posted on victoriajacksonshow.com, Victoria wrote that she was “tired” of whities (who are now “becoming a minority”) being attacked by the media.  Continue reading “Victoria Jackson Wants ‘White History Month’ To Come Before Black History Month”

No Really, Britney Spears Looks Good!

How many times have we, the media, said “hey guys, Britney Spears is back in shape”?

I think this might only be the 80th time.

It has happened each time she’s gone back on tour since 2004’s meltdown. Also, when she started her job as a judge on X-Factor and every single time someone catches her in a bikini. Not to mention that Fantasy perfume Cleopatra thing.

I don’t think agreeing if Britney Spears is the most repulsive person alive or just another completely above-average person walking around in L.A is something we can do as a nation.

You have to accept that she never look like she did at the VMA’s with that snake draped over her shoulders. This recent photo from Facebook [insert “it’s Britney, beach” joke here] does seem to confirm the above average attractiveness bit. She asks: Continue reading “No Really, Britney Spears Looks Good!”

Pregnant White Women Can’t Give Up Cigarettes

Just because I compare babies to earwigs and think being pregnant is a horrible curse, doesn’t mean I believe in filling the lungs of an unborn child with smoke.

According to a national survey by the Mental Health Services Administration, 1 in 5 caucasian women who are with-child will smoke cigarettes – which is far more than black or hispanic women.

The study looked to correlate the use of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes between different races during their pregnancies.

Don’t kill the messenger delivering the potentially inaccurate information, but it also states that pregnant black women were more likely than other races to use illicit drugs.  Continue reading “Pregnant White Women Can’t Give Up Cigarettes”

Lena Dunham Defends White ‘Girls’

Lena Dunham has come to the defense of the show she created, writes, directs and stars in. HBO’s Girls (produced by Judd Apatow) has come under fire for being only about white women who don’t have to work.

These “rich white girl” complaints are easy to dismiss. I honestly couldn’t care less about diversity because so many shows with a variety of skin tones seem to have cast that way to avoid criticisms of this very nature. And who exactly is concerned about this? I’m guessing white women and men who caught half an episode or less. Was Friends diverse? Sex And The City? The Cosby ShowEntourage? Seinfeld? God no.

Gimme an ice pick to the eye every time I hear someone making a hullabaloo over Lena Dunham unless it’s because she’s original, funny and not afraid to “go there.”  Continue reading “Lena Dunham Defends White ‘Girls’”

I Hope You Don’t Frighten Easily, Here’s Elizabeth Banks In ‘The Hunger Games’

 I didn’t know that creepy George-Washington-with-a-vagina woman who says “PRIMROSE EVERDEEN” in The Hunger Games trailer was Elizabeth Banks until I saw interview/clip confirmation on some talk show.

I’ve been waking up screaming the words “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE” not even knowing that Elizabeth Banks, the crazy cute nympho from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, was the one giving me nightmares.

Continue reading “I Hope You Don’t Frighten Easily, Here’s Elizabeth Banks In ‘The Hunger Games’”

White Michael Vick?

Yesterday an editorial article in ESPN’s magazine and on their website caused a stir for photoshopping Michael Vick’s face to make him white (he still looks like an asshole to me)

After a few hours of the white-faced Vick picture being posted, ESPN took the it down and replaced it with a regular picture of the Eagles quarterback.

The article was actually very well written (by Touré, who works for MSNBC, and Fuse) and discussed how Michael Vick might not be in the situation he is in if hewere white, not because a white man wouldn’t receive criticism for animal abuse but because it probably wouldn’t have allowed him to be be exposed to dogfighting in the first place.

Continue reading “White Michael Vick?”

Top 5 Soulful White Ladies

I listen to all sorts of music but still find myself surprised at how soulful certain white women are capable of being. When you’re casually sitting around listening to a song you naturally get a certain vision of someone. Like when I first heard Gin Wigmore, there was that assumption, I just knew she was a black lady, with an amazing voice. Same with Amy Winehouse…

When I first heard “You Know I’m No Good,” a skinny Jewish/British woman with pin-up tattoos and a black beehive hairdo just isn’t what flew into my imagination. With these artists, I’m too busy listening to their voices to really really consider anything, there’s just a fleeting moment when you decide they’re soulful black women serenading you.

Here is a list of the top five most soulful white ladies of fairly recent years…

Continue reading “Top 5 Soulful White Ladies”

Lame VMA Announcement/A Normal Look For Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga made a “special” announcement on August 18th about the VMAs (She’s going to open at the show) and she was wearing what seems to be, for her, a normal outfit!?

Besides the birdlike/sea coral combo hat, this is pretty tame.

She appeared at Times Square (former gathering place of TRL fans) to make the inane comment that she will be the opener at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, August 28th…

Continue reading “Lame VMA Announcement/A Normal Look For Lady Gaga”