Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face

Angelina and brad The Normal Heart Angelina Jolie white face
Angelina Jolie‘s makeup put-er-on-er let her down in a big way. Jolie arrived at a screening of her husband’s film, The Normal Heart with flour or cocaine all over her cheeks and nobody bothered to tell her!

That’s right, the most beautiful woman in the world forgot to look in a mirror…

Brad probably thought about mentioning it, but was afraid she’d spit venom and then a tail with a stinger would come out from under her dress and burning green venom would fly out of her lips as soon as he did.

You know, method acting to prepare for her role as a giant scorpion in Jurassic World. 

“What looks perfect in normal lighting can appear totally different when you have the harsh lights of flashing cameras on you,” Mark celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenberg tells Us Weekly. “Many women think you can just touch up with any powder for a red carpet event, but all powders have different finishing textures.”

Mystery of the white woman doing whiteface, solved. Whoever chose that powder has no business working with anyone but people who don’t matter, like the cast of Sharknado 2. And redheads.  Continue reading “Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face”

With the Help of Makeup and Photoshop, Tyra Banks Becomes White

Tyra as cara dBlack supermodel Tyra Banks recently posted photos of herself transformed into a few white supermodels, which upset a handful of idiots who complained about “whiteface” somehow being as bad as blackface.

This reminds me of the fucking cockamamie argument that it’s okay for us all to say the n-word just because black people do. Funny because I don’t recall anyone voluntarily entering shackles in the 1800s.

It’s also Tyra Banks, the maniacal puppetmaster who told us all to kiss her fat ass as she impersonated a homeless person, an ugly person (or was that the same episode?), and dressed her ANTM girls up in everything from drag to their birthday suits and dangled them out of windows for fun.

The Cara Delevingne impression is actually spot-on. Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford not so much. In a new batch of photos she uses her magic to become black again, mimicking Iman and Grace Jones.