Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress

Donald Sterling mistressMarried rich geezer Donald Sterling is having quite the identity crisis this week. Sterling is under investigation by the NBA after being caught on tape telling his girlfriend that he’s tired of her promoting her friendships with black people.

It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you’re associating with black people,” he says on the recording. “Do you have to?” 

Not only are 12 of Sterling’s 14 L.A. Clippers African-American (and the coach), but his mistress, 38-year-old Maria Vanessa Perez, known to the press simply as V. Stiviano, is half Latina and half black.

The entire league, both active and retired are urging folks to boycott the team, and the Clippers players themselves protested by wearing their warm-up uniforms inside out so the logo wasn’t visible.

Sterling’s biggest mistake was perhaps including beloved icon Magic Johnson in his rant, expressing concern over Stiviano bringing him to Staples Center.  Continue reading “Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress”

Old Ass Michael Jordan Expecting Fourth Child

20131130-182547.jpgGood news! Michael Jordan’s ancient balls are still magical. The 50-year-old basketball legend and model wife Yvette Preito announced via Us Weekly that they are expecting their first child together, and grandpa-aged Jordan’s fourth overall. (Not-so-great-news for the various women who have unsuccessfully sued Jordan for child support.)

To get an idea of just how old of a dad he is, when this youngest son/daughter is 25 he’ll be 75, and by the time he or she is 50, like 2013-edition MJ, he or she will almost certainly be fatherless.

Just two more kids and he’ll have one for each championship ring….

Canadian Mayor Says He Has ‘More Than Enough’ P*ssy to Eat at Home

Rob Ford mayor wifeMarried trainwreck mayor of Toronto Rob Ford stood in front of a room full of press yesterday to deny a whole mess of things, including telling one of his staff members that he wanted to eat her out.

Ford, a notorious partier and admitted crack user said, “I’m happily married. I’ve got more than enough to eat at home. Thank you very much.”

This kind of thing would never fly in America, but if I had to compare his attitude to two people I’d go with Rex Ryan and Vladimir Putin. Amount of f*cks given: 0.0.

Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows

Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas casualAlec Baldwin is being investigated for calling one New York Post photographer a “coon” and telling another that he wanted to choke her to death. Meanwhile, his wife is being sued for teaching crappy injury-causing yoga classes.

One story is easier to believe than the other since we all know Alec Baldwin once called his daughter a pig and wore a Klan robe on a public street in broad daylight. Baldwin denied making the racist remarks, which originated because he was asked about the allegations against his pregnant wife…

Allegations that she, Hilaria Thomas, yoga instructor extraordinaire, overbooked a class and the overbooking supposedly resulted in a man putting his leg through a window.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows”

Hugh Jackman’s Wife Takes Issue With You Thinking He’s Gayer Than a Box of Rainbows

Hugh Jackman gayHugh Jackman has the chest hairs and bulging veins of a young Susan Boyle, the voice of a harp-playing angel, and charm worthy of The Rat Pack – but that does not mean he’s gay.

Like Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Matthew Broderick, Jackman has been at the center of many a homoerotic whisper ever since he sang songs like “Bi-coastal” in the Broadway production of The Boy From Oz.

A contrasting role as cigar-smoking man’s man Logan/Wolverine in X-Men and 17 years of marriage to Deborra-Lee Furness, who he met on a TV set 1994, has done nothing to convince the disbelievers.

“Just recently, it bugs her,” Jackman told The Hollywood Reporter, of Furness’ feelings on the matter. “She goes, ‘It’s big. It’s everywhere [on the Internet]! ”  Continue reading “Hugh Jackman’s Wife Takes Issue With You Thinking He’s Gayer Than a Box of Rainbows”

Hilaria Thomas Screamed Bloody Murder Over Positive Pregnancy Test

Hilaria Thomas pregnantBig dreamin’ yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas confirmed the strength of high-end Baldwin sperm during an airing of Extra. It’s less the baby and more the sound she made when she found out that I’m interested in.

Alec explains that he heard his wife yowling in the bathroom and ran in to save her from an imminent death that actually turned out to be her reaction to double lines on the pregnancy test.

“There’s a scream I heard, which is a scream normally reserved for if there’s a spider in the house, not exaggerating,” Baldwin said. “So then I hear that scream again, but it was not a spider.”

Can you imagine a world where women become pregnant after spotting those little eight-eyed bastards?

Continue reading “Hilaria Thomas Screamed Bloody Murder Over Positive Pregnancy Test”

Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?

Jeremy Shockey Daniela CortazarFormer Giants and Saints Super Bowl champion Jeremy Shockey’s soon-to-be ex-wife Daniela Cortazar is asking for $15,000 because of an Instagram photo of her bare bottom that supposedly violates a privacy provision in the prenup.

These two lovebirds spent a handful of last year’s months batting their eyelashes at each other and Tweeting photos from the bed they couldn’t be bothered to leave.

Suddenly, Shockey decided Cortazar was insane and filed for divorce, claiming the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” (Posting the booty pic after the fact because he still thinks she’s hot and/or wanted to humiliate her?)

Continue reading “Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-4-13]

Rex Ryan Sanchez Tattoo Rex Ryan sunbathing photos reveal tattoo of his wife in a Mark Sanchez jersey. (Deadspin)

Season 2 of Girls has Lena Dunham dating Republican Donald Glover. (The A.V. Club)

Kelly Clarkson gets hit on by “the hottest girls ever,” still bats for the boys’ team. (Yahoo!)

Wand, implants and bucket of crabs top list of weird things found in hotel rooms. (Daily Mail)

Kourtney Kardashian paid $200,000 to display 44-pound weight loss. (Hollywood Life)

Every pop culture reference from every Quentin Tarantino movie HERE -> (College Humor)

Jennifer Lawrence’s friends want her to kill intruders, Katniss Everdeen-style. (The Mary Sue)

 

Channing Tatum is Sexy And Everyone Knows it

Channing Tatum is really hard to dislike.

I desperately want to find something wrong with him, like maybe that he’s too aware of his sexiness, or that his nose is slightly large, but I’m reaching.

Tatum found out he was named the coveted Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine (previously awarded to Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds and Johnny Depp) while him and his wife were de-skunking their dog.

“My first thought was, ‘Y’all are messing with me. I told Jenna after we’d been in the bathtub washing our dogs,” he tells the mag.

Oh yeah, that’s his biggest flaw. HE’S NOT MARRIED TO YOU and your plan to meet him after spraying his canine friend didn’t work.  Continue reading “Channing Tatum is Sexy And Everyone Knows it”

Actress Claims She Had An Emotional Affair With Patrick Swayze

You’d probably have a hard time blindly guessing which leading lady had a non-sexual affair with Patrick Swayze, so I’ll just tell you that it’s Kirstie Alley and not Jennifer Grey or Demi Moore.

Even though Swayze is not alive to defend himself, we don’t have to assume that Alley is telling the truth. Quite the opposite in fact, this is the perfect time to say you had a strong mental connection with one of the most swoonworthy men in history.  Continue reading “Actress Claims She Had An Emotional Affair With Patrick Swayze”

Hulk Hogan Answers The Phone During His Sex Tape, Wonders If It’s His Son

There’s a lot going on in Hulk Hogan‘s sex tape (which we first heard about in March). First off, it’s naked Hulk Hogan, so you can’t expect it, or any other celebrity sex tape for that matter, to be “sexy.”

Hulk is married but the woman in question is reportedly not his current wife, but the ex-wife of Hogan’s close friend, Todd Clem aka Bubba the Love Sponge. Sterling Golden Wrestler extraordinaire says he was “secretly filmed” and is already striking back legally.

On to notable things in the video, which we first heard about in March, besides the random swinger action (are all men born before 1960 into wife swapping?), the dialogue is to die for.  Continue reading “Hulk Hogan Answers The Phone During His Sex Tape, Wonders If It’s His Son”

Man With Scissors And Candles Arrested At Miley Cyrus’ House

A man armed with scissors (not to be confused with “One Armed Scissor” by At The Drive-In) was arrested outside of Miley Cyrus‘s home on Saturday, but was he trying to kill her, or just fix her hair?

KTLA reports that the intruder was merely an over-exuberant fan named Jason Luis Rivera who told police he just wanted to “see” Miley.

Rivera faces burglary and trespassing charges (he hopped the security gate and lit candles in her yard).

“I am a friend of Miley Cyrus. I am. She’s my wife. Me and Miley have been friends for five years,” he told officers.

Continue reading “Man With Scissors And Candles Arrested At Miley Cyrus’ House”

Church Of Scientology Held A Secret ‘Wife Audition’ For Tom Cruise

A source has revealed to Vanity Fair that Nazanin Boniadi, an actress who had a small part in Iron Man and a more significant one in How I Met Your Mother, was part of an elaborate search held by the Church of Scientology to find Tom Cruise a wife.

Boniadi dated Cruise from 2004 to early 2005, before he was linked to Katie Holmes, and after Penélope Cruz.

The article explains that she was forced to sign a confidentiality agreement, change her appearance, and share intimate details of her personal life with church leader David Miscavige and his wife Shelly. Continue reading “Church Of Scientology Held A Secret ‘Wife Audition’ For Tom Cruise”

Chad Johnson Punished By NFL And VH1 For Head-Butting Incident

Both VH1 and the Miami Dolphins are cutting ties with wide receiver Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson after he sent his wife, Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada to the ER.

The fight reportedly began when Lozada accused Johnson of infidelity after discovering a receipt for condoms. Much like Chris Brown, who was famously “caught in a lie” by Rihanna, Chad retaliated with violence. A head-butt, to be specific.

The Dolphins terminated his one-year contract and his 11-episode reality show co-starrig his wife, Ev & Ocho, was cancelled by VH1 before it aired.

Amy Winehouse’s Ex-Husband Blake Fielder Is In An Alcohol-Related Coma

A little more than a year ago, in July of 2011, Amy Winehouse died of alcohol intoxication.

Fielder, who married the troubled singer in 2007 and found himself divorced two years later, is in an induced coma after the mother of his child (Sarah Aspin) reportedly found him choking in his bed due to organ failure from alcohol intoxication.

Winehouse’s father Mitch often spoke out about the danger of his daughter’s relationship to Blake, but still urges you to send good thoughts his way. “Terrible news about Blake this morning. Remember Amy loved him. Let’s pray for his recovery,” He wrote on Twitter.

Aspin has a similar message. “I’m praying he’ll survive, but I’m having to prepare myself that he may never wake up.”

Zack Morris Is All Grown Up And On His Second Marriage

When I was about six years old, I would go over to my grandma and grandpa’s house to watch TV. I didn’t have television at home so when I visited them it was like the second coming of Christ, except Christ was Big Bird and Zack Morris in Saved By The Bell.

I didn’t have a “crush” on him, since I was still playing with Ninja Turtles and castle Legos, but Beach volleyball with Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez seemed a little more appealing than cow-tipping at the rural cesspool of my future.

Enough reminiscing…

I’ve been snapped right back into reality upon hearing that a very brunette almost-forty but still zexual Mark-Paul just married a very blonde ad exec named Catriona McGinn. Continue reading “Zack Morris Is All Grown Up And On His Second Marriage”

Andy Whitfield Documentary ‘Be Here Now’ Explores Cancer And ‘Spartacus’

A documentary called Be Here Now by Academy Award-nominated Lilibet Foster (producer of Speaking In Strings) chronicling the months before Spartacus star Andy Whitfield‘s death should be coming out sometime after July 23.

The film, which follows Whitfield and his wife on a trip to India to explore alternate forms of treatment for the cancer that eventually killed him, recently reached its Kickstarter goal of $200,000. Camera crews tailed the pair for over a year, until September of 2011.  Continue reading “Andy Whitfield Documentary ‘Be Here Now’ Explores Cancer And ‘Spartacus’”