Jaden and Willow Smith are the Most New Agey Kids Ever

Willow and Jaden look like Will SmithYou know that one friend you have that’s all about good “energy, “being “connected” and forcing weird food into your mouth and bad thoughts in your head? The one that makes you feel like you’re gaining and losing brain cells at a rapid and weirdly equal rate with their conspiracies on cancer being secretly curable and GMO corn being responsible for 9/11.

Willow and Jaden Smith are those people, except that they’re 14 and 16, which makes it even weirder than it already is. In an interview with the New York Times promoting Jaden’s music, the Smiths don’t sound like the children of Scientologists, they sound like the children of pretentious, brainwashed hippies.

The only thing that could “explain” the  interview is the Jaden line, “I have a goal to be just the most craziest person of all time.”

It starts out like this, with the simple question “What have you been reading?”

WILLOW: Quantum physics. Osho.

JADEN: “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” and ancient texts; things that can’t be pre-dated.

And then it gets odder:

WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.

And odder:

JADEN: When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness.

And BOOM, your head explodes like a watermelon in a movie adaptation of Fruit Ninja directed by Michael Bay:

JADEN: Honestly, we’re just trying to make music that we think is cool. We don’t think a lot of the music out there is that cool. So we make our own music. We don’t have any song that we like to listen to on the P.C.H. by any other artist, you know?

WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.

And then your internal organs splat onto everything. Intestines on the window pane, liver on the kitchen tile, kidneys wrapped around the faucet while Willow and Jaden laugh sadistically because they’re too cool for novels and music…  Continue reading “Jaden and Willow Smith are the Most New Agey Kids Ever”

Miley Cyrus is a Dead Ringer for One of Will Smith’s Offspring

Miley Cyrus Willow SmithMiley Cyrus did the full monty earlier this week. It all started with the shaggy cut, then the Mohawk, then this weird front fringe thing, then ultimately it all had to come off.

See Britney? This is the way to gradually go bald, pay someone $900 a session to make it look semi-normal.

In a way, Miley “rocks” her look by matching it with “edgier” clothes. On the other hand – she still has baby face and looks too kiddish to rock such a grown up style. She looks like Willow Smith‘s older sister on bleached Kelvin instagram filter.

On a side note, I bet her Hottie McNormal fiance, Liam Hemsworth is wishing he didn’t dump his female girlfriend of five years to have underage sex with Jesse Pinkman.

Jaden Smith Just Had To Make A Music Video

First Chris Brown dissed Drake and now this!? What is the gaseous world coming to? Jaden Smith, son of Will and Jada, brother to Willow, has a new song called “Gonzoes.”

Apparently, the versatile child actor with a Kanye-like ego now fancies himself a rapper.

He just couldn’t stand being just involved with little old Academy Award-nominated movies (The Pursuit of Happyness) or blockbuster flops (The Karate Kid) that made a mere 55.6 million dollars at the box office in one weekend.  Continue reading “Jaden Smith Just Had To Make A Music Video”

Willow Smith Needs A Parent

Jada Pinkett-Smith is quickly gathering points towards the bad parent of the year award for 2012. Her daughter, 11-year-old pop sensation Willow Smith, is doing anything for attention and to stay relevant.

She first made the waves from pulling a Britney and shaving her head, then she dyed her shaved head both pink and green and now she has seemingly pierced her tongue.

Combine these clown-like antics with the fact that she wears skin-tight clothes and dancing like a slut in her Fireball music video and one can assume she is either being told to do this or she is desperately calling out for attention.  Continue reading “Willow Smith Needs A Parent”

Video: Willow Smith – “Fireball” Feat. Nicki Minaj

 So, let me get this straight, Willow Smith is only 11 years old and already has two (not counting “21st Century Girl”) hit singles and videos. “Fireball” is catchier and less repetitive than “Whip My Hair” AND it features Nicki Minaj.

It is in fact about as repetitive as a regular pop song. Whether she’s singing about Obama (“Since I landed here, I gon’ phone up a Obama Shook the world up, now I caused a little drama”) or her “crew,” it’s fuckin’ adorable.

Continue reading “Video: Willow Smith – “Fireball” Feat. Nicki Minaj”