‘American Idol’ Season 13 Officially Has The Worst Judge’s Panel Ever

American idol judges 2013With newbie Harry Connick Jr. and stragglers Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban filling American Idol’s judge seats for season 13, I have to ask, WHY?

Why is the show still airing? Why did they pick Harry Connick Jr. and WHY did Jennifer Lopez agree to come back on the leaky sinking ship that Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul built and abandoned ages ago?

The Voice has had Shakira, Usher, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo and Adam Levine, and they pick Harry Connick Jr.? America’s Got Talent is not doing much better with Mel B. It’s really not that hard to know what the kids are into these days…

X-Factor knows. Khloe, Demi, Britney… Harry Connick Jr. is only cool to people who still read newspapers, watch TV for the Brady Bunch reruns and masturbate to polaroid pictures they keep in a shoebox.

Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

beyonce-met-gala 2013
Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.
Miley Cyrus Met Gala 2012Kristen Stewart Met Gala 2013
WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
Rooney Mara GivenchyTaylor Swift Met Gala 2013
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…

Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists

Desmond Bryant mugshotRaiders DT Desmond Bryant (not to be confused with Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant) rolled his drunken eyes and stuck out his tongue for a shirtless mugshot at Dade County’s correctional facility Sunday morning.

Bryant was reportedly arrested for causing an inebriated commotion at a neighbor’s home in Miami.

Deadspin has the photo(s) of the NFL star and is holding a photoshop contest. Currently in the unofficial running: him as a seal, him chopped into one of Beyonce’s unflattering Superbowl pics, and him in The Miracle Worker.

Desmond becomes an unrestricted free agent on March 12. It’s really too bad he can’t go play with fellow best/worst mugshot contender Todd Helton.  Continue reading “Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists”

Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)

Julia Roberts, Ke$ha and Mel B

Ah celebrities and their love/hate relationship with the beach, bikinis, paparazzi and general body dysmorphia. Body issues that I am in no way helping by critiquing and berated on my filthy, degrading website. (Meh)

Most of these celebrities aren’t even overweight. In fact, many are disturbingly skinny and withered from years of starvation, mid-chest sun exposure, alcohol-slurping and botched cosmetic surgery…

Continue reading “Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)”

‘Creature’ Breaks Records, Worst At Box Office

The kitschy Swamp Thing ripoff, Creature rolled into theaters last Friday in 1,507 theaters around America and earned only about $331,000 over a three-day period.

Creature nearly did the worst at the box office EVER considering how many theaters it was shown at. The average amount of screenings for a movie is around 2,500, but that hardly makes up for the lack of attendees.

Creature had the second worst-grossing opening of all time in the U.S. (The per-showing average was about six people)

The only movie to beat out Creature for worst opener per-theater was Proud American, a political drama from 2008.

Even with it’s low-budget and f-list cast, the movie will go down as a cult B-movie that is a prime example of a film that needed to go straight-to-DVD.