Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head

aaron paul xbox memeAaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad) lives on in crappy car movies, random interviews and televised commercials for Xbox One. Commercials where he utilizes voice commands like “Xbox on,” that are causing consoles across America to power up without their owner’s consent.

“Hey Aaron Paul, please stop messing with my Xbox,” seemed to be the sentiment of most.

Such first world/white male problems. “OH NO, this expensive flat box with the sound and moving pictures is making this other expensive, less flat box beep every time I reach for the bowl of artisan sea salt popcorn resting on my sectional leather sofa…

…I’m totally going to go on a killing spree now and cite this as the ‘reason.'”  Continue reading “Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head”

The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499

Halo 5 screenshot
Microsoft revealed the price ($500) and release month (November) of the Xbox One at an E3 event today.

After game previews for both Halo 5 (with Master Chief wearing a piece from the 2014 flowing brown desert collection), and Titanfall (Call of Duty with mechs and jetpacks), execs made heavy mention of cloud computing and 60-frame-per-second visuals.To make up for the horrible news of the console not being backwards compatible, Microsoft has announced that they will be giving away big-name games to Gold subscribers every month until the One’s release.

Continue reading “The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499”

The Xbox One Has a Bad Personality and Needs a Lot of Makeup

Xbox One console and controller
Microsoft unveiled the new Xbox today and it’s pretty much what we feared/expected. It’s not backwards compatible, requires the Kinect to be plugged in at all times, and it looks like a VCR from the ’80s.

What’s that you say? It looks nice and sleek in the picture, like a 360 and PS3’s lovechild?

Well yeah, in good lighting, with all the help of a hundred or more professional photographers and airbrushers it looks like a sober Kate Moss. Brace yourself. Beans are about to be spilled…

Continue reading “The Xbox One Has a Bad Personality and Needs a Lot of Makeup”