Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge


Did you happen to recently catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in bed with the neighbor? Does your bf/gf yell at you for no reason or spend outlandish amounts of money at the Cheesecake Factory? If the person who has wronged is also addicted to the game Destiny, don’t waste time trying to dump sugar in their gas tank…

Getting legendary and exotic weapons and armor in Destiny is HUGE pain. It takes forever to get them, while dismantling them takes only seconds.

1. Once you’ve loaded their character, press the start button to access inventory, select items and hold the “X” button on Xbox or the square on PS3 or PS4 to dismantle them.

Or you could just erase their entire hard drive.

(System settings: storage: games and apps: DELETE.)

This is pretty much the worst thing you can do to your console-playing girl/boy/regular friend, like the nerd equivalent of burning a house to the ground.  Continue reading “Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge”

Lizard Squad Took Down Xbox Live AGAIN

lizard squad logoLizard Squad, a hacker group whose bio reads “Some lizards just want to watch the world burn,” have tapped into the Xbox Live servers for the second time this week, rendering it unavailable for several hours.

This directly affects me and therefore makes me angrier than She-Hulk with third world dysentery.

“Why are they doing this?” you may ask. Well, the “reasons” for hacking are eerily similar to the “reasons” people commit murder:

1. Just because they can. 2. It makes them feel powerful. 3. They like the attention.

Continue reading “Lizard Squad Took Down Xbox Live AGAIN”

The Pros and Cons of ‘Destiny’

wizard came from the moon shirtI’ve been playing Destiny basically nonstop since its release last month, and if you follow video games at all or have the misfortune of dating/best-friending a gamer, you’ve probably heard mixed things about it.

Quick rundown for noobs: Destiny is a space-themed shooter made by Bungie, the creators of Halo and Marathon and narrated by Tyrion Lannister. As you can imagine, with the notoriety of Bungie combined with Activision (the publisher of Call of Duty) and the unheard of $500 million budget, the expectations were higher than high.

Unfortunately, Destiny failed to deliver in a lot of really noticeable ways.   Continue reading “The Pros and Cons of ‘Destiny’”

Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head

aaron paul xbox memeAaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad) lives on in crappy car movies, random interviews and televised commercials for Xbox One. Commercials where he utilizes voice commands like “Xbox on,” that are causing consoles across America to power up without their owner’s consent.

“Hey Aaron Paul, please stop messing with my Xbox,” seemed to be the sentiment of most.

Such first world/white male problems. “OH NO, this expensive flat box with the sound and moving pictures is making this other expensive, less flat box beep every time I reach for the bowl of artisan sea salt popcorn resting on my sectional leather sofa…

…I’m totally going to go on a killing spree now and cite this as the ‘reason.'”  Continue reading “Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head”

The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499

Halo 5 screenshot
Microsoft revealed the price ($500) and release month (November) of the Xbox One at an E3 event today.

After game previews for both Halo 5 (with Master Chief wearing a piece from the 2014 flowing brown desert collection), and Titanfall (Call of Duty with mechs and jetpacks), execs made heavy mention of cloud computing and 60-frame-per-second visuals.To make up for the horrible news of the console not being backwards compatible, Microsoft has announced that they will be giving away big-name games to Gold subscribers every month until the One’s release.

Continue reading “The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499”

The Xbox One Has a Bad Personality and Needs a Lot of Makeup

Xbox One console and controller
Microsoft unveiled the new Xbox today and it’s pretty much what we feared/expected. It’s not backwards compatible, requires the Kinect to be plugged in at all times, and it looks like a VCR from the ’80s.

What’s that you say? It looks nice and sleek in the picture, like a 360 and PS3’s lovechild?

Well yeah, in good lighting, with all the help of a hundred or more professional photographers and airbrushers it looks like a sober Kate Moss. Brace yourself. Beans are about to be spilled…

Continue reading “The Xbox One Has a Bad Personality and Needs a Lot of Makeup”

Coming Soon To Your Xbox 360 – YouPorn!

Looks like it’s time to adjust the settings on your family console. Soon you will be able to watch porn on your Xbox. Yes, the thousands, possibly MILLIONS of videos from YouPorn will be available through the new Internet Explorer app on Xbox Live.

At the end of last month YouPorn announced the change on their blog, with a few cleverly placed video game references.

Gamers and free porn lovers around the world rejoice! Thanks at long last to the introduction of Internet Explorer for XBox, you can now tap in to and stream all your favorite free YouPorn videos right from your XBox.  Continue reading “Coming Soon To Your Xbox 360 – YouPorn!”

You Can Now Watch YouTube Videos From Your Xbox!

It’s official, with the new Xbox Live dashboard update, you can watch YouTube videos with a new app. They also added iHeartRadio. (Nothing else caught my attention)

Yes, apps on Xbox. I seem to remember a time when the word “app” only applied to mobile devices. Then it spread to iPads, plasma TVs and Xbox, though I’m aware the word is just short for “application,” there’s some strange separatism going on there.

Continue reading “You Can Now Watch YouTube Videos From Your Xbox!”

Woman Pepper Sprays 20 Wal-Mart Customers For Black Friday Xbox Sale

In the Porter Ranch neighborhood of Los Angeles, California a woman took notes from Occupy movement police officers when she pepper sprayed a group of people during a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart in order to get ahead of other customers during an Xbox sale.

The attack occurred at around 10:20 p.m. on Thursday just after the doors had opened for the post-Thanksgiving sales rush. The woman, who has yet to be identified though the footage was partially captured on an onlooker’s cell phone, harmed 20 people, all treated with minor injuries.

Continue reading “Woman Pepper Sprays 20 Wal-Mart Customers For Black Friday Xbox Sale”

Megan Fox’s ‘Halo: Reach’ Addiction


In an interview with Steve Weintraub of Collider.com at the Toronto Film Festival, Megan Fox dropped a mega bomb of nerd perfection upon the world. She’s ‘addicted’ to Halo and plays online constantly!

“I have Halo: Reach. I have a complete addiction to that game. It is sick. I play online mostly and [other gamers] have no idea. They make fun of my gamer tag too because it is funny. They are all a bunch of guys and it is clear that I am a girl so they make fun of my name, and they have no idea they are making fun of me.”

The Transformers/Friends With Kids actress also told Weintraub, that her go-to karaoke song is “Sweet Child O’ Mine…”

Continue reading “Megan Fox’s ‘Halo: Reach’ Addiction”

Hey Gamers, Chad Ochocinco Wants To Live With You

Famously eccentric, newly-appointed Patriots wide receiver has made a new and semi-hilarious statement. After being asked about his new-found Boston surroundings he replied casually,

“I’m going to do something different, I’m actually going to stay with a fan for the first two, three weeks of the season,” Chad said after today’s practice. “That should be fun, until I get myself acclimated and learn my way around.”

The lady reporter proceeded to ask him if he was being serious and he responded by saying, “Have I ever lied to you before?”

Then went on to add,

“I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but they have to have Internet and have to have Xbox…That’s about it.”

I think he’s serious and I think he’ll do it, he’s been known to pull crazy stunts for media attention, to expanding the visibility of his brand. This trade to The Patriots obviously isn’t going to make him any tamer, same old Chad Johnson I remember, Twitter-joking, reality-show-having, bull-riding comedian that we all know and love. Or hate? Either way.

Hello roomie, let's play Call of Duty: Black Ops. No I don't have any pants, are you crazy?

 

 

 

 

 

Watch Chad’s interview HERE on ESPN.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Chad Ochocinco Johnson, XBOX Live Gamertag = esteban 85, too bad his friends list is fuller than cannibalistic Kirstie Alley]