Spit-Swapping Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez Dubbed ‘Zichelle’

Michelle and Zac kissing Michelle Rodriguez’s super-fun romance with Cara Delevingne has been replaced for the summer by a less-fun one with Zac Efron (there they are, making out in Italy), who has a really nice body but is boring as month-old apple pie.

Unlike Michelle, her temper and supermodel ex, Zac is almost “too perfect” for my liking. I believe him to be keeping screeching retards captive in his basement like that black lady on Desperate Housewives.

Apparently, Tumblr seems to think “Zichelle” consists of some crappy boy band kid named Zach Porter and gf Michelle Forget, but I’m here to tell you that this is the real Zichelle even though I see them lasting about as long as my desire to have chickens in my backyard. (I don’t have a backyard.)



Trailer: That Awkward Moment

That Awkward Moment, as in, that awkward moment when Zac Efron and Miles Teller (The Spectacular Now) take viagra and can’t pee without planking over the toilet bowl, hits theaters January 31st.

Also starring Michael B. Jordan and Imogen Poots, the movie seems to be about that moment when cave-dwelling manchildren fall in love get their nuts clipped.  Continue reading “Trailer: That Awkward Moment”

Zac Efron Dances With Nicole Kidman In Rain-Soaked Tighty Whities

New stills of Zac Efron in The Paperboy, which I assume is about Zac’s relationship with an older woman who enjoys the New York Times so much that she pees on him after he’s stung by an angry homophobic jellyfish, have surfaced.

In them, he’s doing what he truly does best. Rolling around on the floor, almost completely naked.

Then for unknown reasons, Nicole [Kidman] decides that he isn’t quite in erotic enough of a situation, so she pushes him outside into the pouring rain and becomes so overwhelmed by old lady horniness that she grabs his hands and starts doing a menopausal mating dance of some sort.  Continue reading “Zac Efron Dances With Nicole Kidman In Rain-Soaked Tighty Whities”

Zac Efron And Taylor Swift Sing ‘Pumped Up Kicks’

Former HSM teeny-bopper Zac Efron and country-bopper Taylor Swift dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres to show off their guitar/singing skills. At least, the guitar skills she attempted to teach him.

Taylor taught him to play the Foster The People megahit “Pumped Up Kicks” and even improvised the lyrics a little for humor’s sake, to play up Ellen’s curiosity on their dating situation. It (roughly) goes:

Continue reading “Zac Efron And Taylor Swift Sing ‘Pumped Up Kicks’”

Is That You, Nicole Kidman??

Nicole Kidman went CRAZY Baywatch blonde for her upcoming role in The Paperboy, costarring Zac Efron, John Cusack and Matthew Mcconaughey. I wonder how long Nicole will keep that huge mop of yellow hair? Yikes. Maybe it’s a wig? I’m no expert. Somebody investigate this for me? Very Stepford Wife-y.

Oh here’s a synopsis of The Paperboy, from Publisher’s Weekly, in case you were wondering.

“Narrator Jack James is the son of the Moat County Tribune’s editor and publisher. While Jack’s older brother, Ward, reports for the Miami Times, Jack has settled for a job delivering papers for the Tribune. But when Ward and his partner, evil dandy Yardley Acheman, come to Moat County to investigate the four-year-old murder of the local sheriff, Jack assists them in the inquiry.”

Wait, what? I fell asleep reading that summary.