Reasons to NOT See ‘Fright Night’

Guess what? I just got back from spectating the new Fright Night remake in 3D, starring Colin Farrell and Anton Yelchin, and guess what else? (This is an easy one) It wasn’t very good!

Here are the most crucial reasons to NOT see Fright Night:

  • The original is better.
  • Some key elements were left out from the original  (like Jerry’s “guardian”/slave who shares him home)
  • Charley’s character doesn’t spend nearly enough time spying and gathering info on his neighbor (a large part of 1985’s Fright Night)
  • It’s only funny like, three times max
  • The 3D is barely used except for a few vampire ashes that do little more than give you vertigo
  • Terrible vampire effects and editing (there’s a scene where Yelchin is in the front seat of a moving car, then magically appears in the back seat, then the front again)
  • Doesn’t deserve an R rating (more like PG-13)
  • Patronizing use of indie music (Foster The People’s “Pumped Up Kicks”+ Hugo’s “99 Problems”)
  • It’s WAY too long, 120 minutes total
  • Unoriginal, no unique market for today’s audience

Reasons why it’s not the worst movie ever:

  • The first 30 minutes of the movie is entertaining
  • Colin Farrell (the only person involved in this movie who didn’t completely give up)
  • The host of the vampire satire show, Peter Vincent, (a parody of Criss Angel and Russell Brand)  is humorous, and so is his girlfriend (played by Sofia Vergara’s sister, Sandra)
  • James Franco’s brother also makes a cameo, a typical toolbox douchebag bullly
  • McLovin dies

…Not that I would ever go see Fright Night expecting Academy Award-winning performances or James Cameron-approved special effects, I just really like “horror” movies. I’m usually very entertained by them, and since it’s my favorite genre, I’ll really go see anything that even partially qualifies.

Fright Night, the remake and the original are really more farce than anything else, and the first movie has the good sense to know it was a farce. The director, Craig Gillespie, is surprisingly responsible for the directing entire first season of Showtime’s United States Of Tara starring Toni Collette, who plays Anton Yelchin’s humorously careless mom in this movie.

Fright Night plays out kind of like the last two seasons of United States Of Tara, it starts out decently enough but you are quickly let down by lack of flow and consistency.

Anton Yelchin plays former-nerd Charley Brewster, who has a good life despite the usual  teenager woes UNTIL he meets Jerryu (Colin Farrell) the smooth-talking, cool-as-a-7-Eleven-freezer vampire, with his fitting widow’s peak and suspicious grin.

Charley’s friend (an aggravating Christopher Mintz-Plasse) warns him early on about his neighbor Jerry ‘s intentions to kill everyone in their town, an isolated sliver of Las Vegas. Therein lies the first, biggest and most vital mistake, in both this movie and its better, campier 1985 original that starred Chris Sarandon and Roddy McDowall, everything happens too fast.

We find out that Jerry is a vampire way too fast, not that it wasn’t already a giveaway from the previews to the original script, it’s still a premature climax. McLovin err Mintz-Plasse’s dialogue is excruciatingly poor, especially once he himself is turned to the darker side. Yelchin and Collette do decent jobs and Farrell is surprisingly good all the way through, munching on apples (bats like fruit) and smiling, giving it his all when it’s hardly worth it.

The girlfriend character, Amy, played by Imogen Poots (28 Weeks Later) is an empty shell of a human, therefore we hardly care when her character turns damsel-in-distress. The many characters of this film are empty and dull, ultimately Fright Night is only good for a split second, when it doesn’t even mean to be.

Go see The Help instead! Or Final Destination 5, at least you know what to expect. Plus Final Destination will make you never want to drive on a bridge, do gymnastics, get a massage or go in for laser eye surgery. AND it has a surprise ending that actually manages to tie it in with you other 4 movies. It’s still bad, but it’s better than Fright Night.

One thought on “Reasons to NOT See ‘Fright Night’

  1. tHIS Was one of the best horror movies since the last Texas Chainsaw, and halloween 2. Please people see it! Don’t listen to this review. That chick is a good actor, the lead blonde one.


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