Today the supposed cast of ABC’s Dancing With The Stars was leaked to the public. I don’t watch the show, because the dancing isn’t quite bad enough (or good enough) to hold my attention.
I’d rather just see a bunch of youths doing backflips on America’s Best Dance Crew, because if I watch Dancing With The Stars I will be reminded of age, and nationwide embarrassment.
Light drumroll… the season 13 cast consists of:
Nancy Grace (Ohh I forgot to put HER on my witches slideshow!)
Ricki Lake (You was hot when? Ricki Lake. ((Nicki Minaj lyrics))
Ron Artest (Nickname “Metta World Peace”)
Chaz Bono (Cher’s son, neck-beard included)
David Arquette (Screaming like Rocky, “Courtneyyy!!” Instead of “Adriann!”)
Kristin Cavalleri (Her handbag is HUGE)
Rob Kardashian (Wishes he wasn’t a Kardashian so he could fuck his sisters)
And to summarize those last four people, Carson Kressley is the blonde guy from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.
Chynna Phillips is from Wilson Phillips, a singer, not a wrestler like I thought.
J.R. Martinez is a soap actor, from All My Children, who suffered serious burns during his time in Iraq.
Hope Solo otherwise known as Hope Solis, is a female soccer player. A goalie, to be exact.
And last and least Elisabetta Canalis is an Italian actress who appeared on Italian TRL, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and 3 episodes of Leverage, she is famous for her relationship with George Clooney.
[DWTS premieres Monday, September 19]