Martha Stewart Doesn’t Care If You Watch Her Pee

Martha Stewart’s 46 year-old daughter Alexis is claiming in her new tell-all book that her mother never closes the door while she’s going to the bathroom AND that she lets her dogs crap all over the floor.

The book Whateverland: Learning How to Live Here, is penned by Jennifer Koppelman Hutt and a very disgruntled and possibly ungrateful daughter. I mean yeah, maybe Martha Stewart is really hard to live with, god knows it wouldn’t surprise anyone.

You’d THINK it’d be because she’d be super OCD, and on Christmas you’d have to spend countless hours putting toothpicks in hors d’oeuvres and stringing golden popcorn kernels around her 35,000 square foot mansion…

But now we learn it’s because Martha was pissing with the door open like a common [insert Martha Stewart jail pun] criminal. Look, I dunno if it’s generational thing or what, but most women over the age of 40 don’t close the door to the bathroom.

It’s built into their brains to strut around nude with their bristly jet-black 6 foot circumference bushes, not closing bathroom doors and whistling the theme song to Cheers as if it weren’t the most traumatizing thing in the world.

Anyway, here’s a quote from Alexis’s book (due out October 18th) reminiscing about her mother’s “habits:”

“Mother always peed with the door open, I remember saying, ‘You know, now I have friends over! You can’t do that anymore! It’s gotta stop! My friends’ parents don’t do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It’s exhausting! I’m a kid! Stop!'”

And here’s the excerpt, as revealed by the Daily Mail, on her mom’s canine companion’s “habits:”

“My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off, for god’s sake! My mother’s dogs piss and shit on her rugs and she’s telling people to take their shoes off?” 

In other sad Alexis Stewart childhood news – on Christmas Martha would hand her a box and say, “Now wrap these but don’t look inside.” And no Halloween festivities either – “There were no costumes…We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren’t home.”

[That’s what happens when you have TV specials focusing on Christmas and Halloween, no real-life holiday celebrations! Let this be a lesson to you, Rachael Ray’s offspring]

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