Coldplay’s Chris Martin Admits His Lyrics Are ‘Shit’

The Coldplay frontman told NME“I know our lyrics are a bit shit, but those ones [for ‘Charlie Brown’] I like them a lot.” “Charlie Brown” is song number four on their latest watered-down U2 ripoff party called Mylo Xyloto.

And to prove his idiocy (though finally he’s being honest about how half-assed his band really is) he said, on his potential hit duet with Rihanna, called “Princess Of China:”

“She has such an amazing voice and it’s so different to mine. When the vocal happened I thought ‘Wow, you sound different.'” Yes, Rihanna SOUNDS different from you. Probably because she’s a woman? Just a thought.

Here’s how Chris Martin picked the album title: “We thought it’d be nice to have something that didn’t mean anything else except what your imagination wanted it to and doesn’t have any other hits on Google.”

And the lyrics to that song, “Charlie Brown?” They operate on maybe a 15 year-old’s emotional level. Gems like “Took a car downtown where the lost boys meet. I took a car downtown and took what they offered me, to set me free.” AND “Light a spark, light a fire, a flame in my heart.”

And if you just can’t get enough Coldplay hatred, check out my article which I call “Every Teardrop Is A Moment Listening To Coldplay,” about their recent music video and how Chris’s voice is the devil:

I tune my ears in to his voice, and I feel him hypnotizing me with some horrendous new form of torture. And what is that new form of torture? The one where blood comes pouring from my ear canal, and there can never be enough tissues or towels or doctors to stop the painful endless surge of tissue that is escaping my hemorrhaging brain…

This new form of torture, it does have a name, it is called ‘Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall.’ Yes indeed. June 3rd was the date of its arrival above the volcanic heat inferno of Martin’s home, with his iconic barnyard goat servants, and captured slave wife Gwyneth Paltrow.

To summarize, Chris Martin just realized that, 1. His lyrics are terrible. 2. He doesn’t sound like Rihanna, and 3. “Mylo Xyloto” is a made-up word.

[Random fact: In the new Coldplay video for “Paradise,” Chris Martin unicycles down a desolate road in an elephant suit]

6 thoughts on “Coldplay’s Chris Martin Admits His Lyrics Are ‘Shit’

  1. Yeah ummmm even though he said it doesn’t mean you have to be such a hayer about it. Its not like Coldplay is the most popular band in the world. They don’t influence the media in any way they support good causes. They love their fans and they make GOOD MUSIC. So LAY OFF MY COLDPLAY I LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME. I MEAN LOOK HOW MODEST THEY ARE. GOD STOP HATING BECAUSE SAYING BAD STUFF ABOUT COLDPLAY WON’T MAKE YOU ANY BETTER.

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  2. Jancuk kon!!! ngenyek Coldplay…raimu koyo asu…jiancuk!!
    Woy ,wong koyo kowe iki sing atimu buosok kyo taek-e jiaran!
    Kon ae ra iso opa opo…isone klopa klopo,,,koyo tai.

    You fool!

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  3. Just haters! YOU just don’t understaind the meaning of their songs… So much lack of imagination that you can’t create your own idea and meaning for the songs!

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