Robert Pattinson Is A Big Rugged Sasquatch

The Twilight Manvira/Kristen Stewart kidnapper was spotted at LAX and then seen arriving in Paris at Roissy Charles de Gaulles Airport on Friday, October 21st with a big bushy Nord beard.

This villainous R-Patz face and chin merkin made an appearance in September but was thwarted by the heroic efforts of our savior: A PAIR OF SCISSORS, SHAVING CREAM, HOT WATER AND A RAZOR.

Plus restraints may also have been used to hold the British lycanthrope (werewolf) down for ultimate face-smoothing results.

I mean, it’s not like Robert Pattinson is ever without a little five o’clock shadow, not to mention eye bags deeper than Trump’s pockets and hair as greasy as Paula Deen’s skillet BUT beards are never a good idea…

Name one man with a beard of this density who is attractive. Just one. One guy who doesn’t turn into a sad bloated bison as soon as the hairs grow a few inches. I like dogs and all but seeing them stand on two legs is just surreal.


#PattinSquatch

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