Let’s do a divorce recap of 2011, Sinead O’Connor and Berry Herridge, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss and now Russell Brand and Katy Perry?
Besides the Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon split, this is surprisingly surprising. When they first got together in late 2009 yeah everyone thought it’d last 5 minutes but then people saw them together and changed their minds, right? It was true adoration blazing in Brand’s eyes.
He would have held her pyrosexual firework boobs for her during old age after they fell into her knee-highs. Hell, he woulda even put out the fire they’d start, likely with an ultra-pressurized can of whipped-cream. But no, he divorced her, and I’m guessing it was something to do with her personality.
Katy Perry has a maturity level comparable to Mariah Carey, Katy Perry might as well BE Mariah Carey only a thousand times less talented. She’s obsessed with candy-related imagery, she can’t really dance and her last album is partially responsible for the downfall of society. In fact, it’s probably what’s distracting Obama from “changing” things.
He’s sitting in the White House listening to “E.T.” telling Michelle it’s almost over and to hold on, he’s about ready to make a decision regarding the Keystone pipeline, pass his health-care reform and begin a ban on cars that run purely on fossil fuels.
This is likely what happened to Russell Brand as well, he couldn’t make any decent movies or do stand-up because he was sitting around at home contemplating the popularity of “Firework” and “Teenage Dream.” So, in essence, he had to divorce her, to get some damn work done.
The documents cited the usual “irreconcilable differences” and he released a statement that included the words “I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.” I do have to wonder, was this the oddest/most unlikely pairing of the decade? Self-proclaimed “S&M Willy Wonka” and the preacher’s pop star daughter?