Christina Aguilera’s Spray Tan Catastrophe

My condolences to friends and entourage members of Christina Aguilera, who must endure looking at her crumpled sausage body, impending chin rolls and that suspicious brown liquid that distracted from her performance at the Etta James memorial service.

For a short time, the world thought that at last her bowels had come undone but some insider from Us Weekly claims that it was a simple case of, ummm, a melted spray tan?

The source said, “She sang her heart out. It was a memorial service for her idol and she was nervous, the sweat caused her spray tan to streak.”

So, the woman who is set to replace Ms. Piggy after the puppet expires began to sweat so much that her spray tan started dripping down her leg like improperly-fired clay pottery on a hot summer day?

And it was still “her proudest moment?” I love Etta James, but even she would have been like, ‘You’re a mess. You have no business up there, singing my song, abusing your voice like it’s a damn tetherball.’

That’s my main concern, not so much the spray tan, but how her own throat is constantly being Sanduskied.

For someone employed as a judge on a show called “The Voice,” she’s pretty careless with hers. It’s like she put a beautiful song in a bowl and never stopped stirring it. “At Last” is whipped past recognition.

One thought on “Christina Aguilera’s Spray Tan Catastrophe

  1. Someone told her to sing as if she was auditioning for Star Search. Nobody told her it has been off-the-air for years and that people don’t sing like that UNLESS they are auditioning for Star Search.


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