I Still Don’t Like Pregnant Nudists, But Nice Try, Jessica

Look man, I’m glad to be alive and I love my mom but if there were people interested in her posing nude during the third semester of pregnancy and she actually agreed to do it, we might not have been on speaking terms from the key parental embarrassment years of ages eight to seventeen.

Jessica Simpson apparently has no woes about such things as she has posed for Elle, following in the chubby fetus-bursting footsteps of Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears, Demi Moore and Claudia Schiffer.

I’m adopted anyway, so I don’t even understand why people keep populating the earth. There are plenty of aggressive Swedish orphans out there waiting for owners. Why not scoop one of those up? Or maybe just mosey on down to the no-kill animal shelter and pick up a Pug, it’ll poop just as much. I promise.

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