Lindsay Lohan Is Just A Really Hard Sleeper

False reports of Lindsay Lohan’s being found unconscious and rushed to the hospital yesterday flooded the internet.

I myself was genuinely worried that she was on the verge of death.

I began rethinking my whole “career” of poking fun at celebrities and how the media is partially responsible for Lindsay’s downfall and even more so for her lack of recovery.

Thank god she’s okay and I don’t have to stop being an asshole.

According to TMZ a Ritz Carlton employee had trouble waking her up and called 911 at 10:15 in the morning.

She was not taken to the hospital but had been complaining of exhaustion the prior day due to working a 13-hour day. 

Paramedics found nothing wrong with her and she continued to rest then headed to the set of Liz & Dick afterwards in perfect spirits.

Damn Ritz Carlton rookies. Everyone on the inside knows that Lindsay only wakes up to the smell of Sudafed and the sound of trains colliding.

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