Heathman Hotel Offers Fifty Shades-Inspired ‘Inner Goddess’ Package

You need to know that when I was fishing for laugh-worthy excerpts in E.L. James’ Fifty Shades Of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker I had a bucket on hand. A bucket to puke in every time Anastasia’s “inner goddess” is mentioned (that’s a lot of bile, believe me).

I wished I had a bucket or at least an emergency paper bag nearby when I read that the Heathman Hotel in Portland, Oregon is offering two exclusive Fifty Shades-related packages for fans.

Unsurprisingly, the cheapest is the “Inner Goddess” add-on. For $40 you can drink wine in your hotel room that would I guess have been approved by fictional BDSM millionaire (“Anastasia, I earn roughly one hundred thousand dollars an hour”) Christian Grey. 

Then there’s the much more extravagant “Charlie Tango” option for those willing to drop $2,750 dollars on a helicopter ride and six-person dinner. Or if your cheap, I mean smart (but what true Fifty Shades fan is?), you can just buy the Fifty Shades Of Gin cocktail at the bar for under $10.

I understand the hotel’s motives. It’s a historical PDX landmark mentioned multiple times in a New York Times Bestselling series, why not capitalize?

Anastasia was always being flown around in Christian’s big boy helicopter from Seattle to Portland and back again, consuming alcohol on a nearly intravenous level…

Almost enough to make you understand why she was so attracted to a guy with a toy chest full of leather paddles and face gags.

I just hate that the state of Oregon is associated with Twilight and Fifty Shades Of Grey. We don’t need the commerce. Send that shit to the mid-life crisis-having motherfuckers in the Dakotas.

Read: 50 Shades Of Grey Marketing Phenom Goes Mainstream

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