On Wednesday Donald Trump was like “Hey Obama, if you show me your college transcripts and passport records I’ll give $5 million dollars to inner city kids.”
Not sure what he expected to uncover. Secret basement Columbia and Harvard Law courses on running a country you’re not from? Or perhaps his how-tos papers on printing fake Hawaiian birth certificates?
Fastforward to Wednesday night when Barack visited The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
“This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya,” Obama told Jay. “We had, you know, constant run-ins on the soccer field. He wasn’t very good and resented it.”
Mr Trump, I will write you a check for $1 million dollars from Colbert Super PAC – you know I’ve got it – to the charity of your choice. Save The Children. Feed The Children. Put The Children on Child Apprentice, whatever. One million actual dollars, if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth. One million.
But…this dipping – and I hope you’re listening very carefully Mr Trump – this dipping has to be to my and more importantly, my balls’ satisfaction. One caveat…My balls must be in your mouth no later than 5pm October 31st. My balls have a thing that night.
Nothing would make me happier than to write this check. And nothing would make America happier than to have something going into your mouth instead of coming out of it.