Sign My Fake Petition To Send David Beckham to China

David Beckham China jerseyThe Mirror is reporting a story about David Beckham throwing his cleats, soccer balls and four kids into a bag and moving overseas to play for a Chinese Super League team.

Sadly, there is a 99% chance that this story is false (a line on a map from London to Shanghai is not exactly solid evidence).

“It was sheer rumour,” an insider told the South China Morning Post. “Shenhua has no financial strength to sign another superstar.”

I wanted David to go play with former Chelsea strikers Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba in China. The further him and his freaky fembot wife with the “sing and wave” button are from here, the better.

It’s a better fit. I mean, Asian countries are used to perfection. Look at their cars. In America we staple some foam together and call it transportation because the crash test dummy’s face only exploded twice.

These attractive jet-setting gypsies with the H&M approved bodies simply don’t eat enough fried Oreos with fried whipped cream and fried Diet Coke to live here.
adopt a Beckham
Fortunately, you don’t have to sign my fake petition to evict Barbie and Ken from their U.S. Dream House and send them to the place they were assembled. Show pony Becks has left the LA Galaxy and will likely play the last few years of his career in England, where his children have enrolled in school.

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