I’ve loved Justin Timberlake ever since I found out there was an alternative to the Backstreet Boys. I put up with his cornrows, cross tattoo, and matching denim cowboy hat and jacket because I knew he would always bring me joy with his luscious musical talents and kind blue eyes, but now I see that his recent marriage to Jessica Biel has rusted his gift, and something must be done!
Though I’m positive that the new song, “Suit & Tie” featuring Jay-Z, is a rushed, throwaway b-side track to appease the fans and by no means a gauge of what the album he’s working on (The 20/20 Experience) will be like, I also know as a longtime Timberlake fan that it’s the fault of his current girlfriend, or in this case, wife.
Not Cameron Diaz or Britney Spears, but sheer Bievel herself, the thistle in his hoof, the thorn in his side, the most boring woman alive. Let’s take a look at the lyrics…
1. I can’t wait to get you on the floor, good lookin.’
2. It’s so fly and it’s all mine
3. We don’t mind all the watchin,’ cause if they study real close, real close, they might learn something
4. You’re dressed in that dress I like
5. She ain’t nothing but a little doozy when she does it
Even though only the last line seems like it could apply to Jellica Bouche, I fear that all four were in some way inspired by the star of gems like Stealth and Nailed.