Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood

92387985JK095_POWER_105_1_SYesterday I told you about the latest barnyard rooster fight where Chris Brown and Frank Ocean went into a trance of unnatural posture and puffed-out chests over a parking space or whose wattle hangs lower.

Well, today there are various reports relating to the tussle. My favorite is that Frank Ocean wants to press charges.

You know how Iron Man has that shrapnel magnet in his chest? Well, in my dreams, Chris is in a jail cell with a guy who holds the remote control to a giant buttplug in his ass, and every time he misbehaves, it deeply penetrates him AND shocks him with 2000 volts of electricity. Even better than heart-piercing shrapnel, yeah?

To prepare for that whole anal electrocution thing, Chris is partaking in some art therapy (posted on Instagram with the caption, “Painting the way I feel today. Focus on what matters!”)
Chris Brown Jesus painting This is interesting because I was just thinking about how I’d dedicate my life to some form of worship if he was prosecuted and sodomized in prison.

Being an atheist, or possibly an agnostic, I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d be praying to, but now I know it’ll be surprised white Jesuses. Thanks Chris! I returned the favor by drawing you a little something…

[Displayed in the Smithsonian and prominent galleries around New York and Rome]

3 thoughts on “Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood

  1. People Know what people did to Jesus knowing how he was treated. Why do people want to emulate the people that crucified Jesus? I see a negitive spirit wishing ill will toward a human.. How can that be good?

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