Can We Talk About ABC’s New Diving Show?

Celebrity diving showBecause of the success of Dancing With The Stars, ABC has disregarded the non-success of Fox’s 2012 celebrity diving show Stars in Danger (featuring JWoww, Antonio Sabato Jr. and Terrell Owens) with their own rendition, called Splash.

Based on a show of the same name in the UK on ITV starring olympian Tom Daley, America’s Splash has enlisted true talents like 40-year-old Baywatch boob juggler Nicole Eggert and professional corpse girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson.

Can you think of anything more boring than watching celebrities jump off a high dive? As children, this is something we fear more than losing teeth or going through puberty, but is that phobia enough to captivate a grown-up audience?

From the promos, we learn that two-time gold medalist Greg Louganis and one-timer David Boudia will spend hours upon hours training these c-listers, but not too well, because no one watches “sports” like this for improvement or success.

Nobody’s going to be happy if 4’3″ Chelsea Handler sidekick Chuy Bravo perfects his form and fails to do a thigh-slapping half-cannonball, half-bellyflop into the pool from 33 feet up. 

The cast members I didn’t mention are:

  • Cosby Show star Keshia Knight Pulliam
  • Arm-stomping Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh
  • Miss Alabama/object of Brent Musburger’s affectionKatherine Webb
  • Cartoonish comedian Louie Anderson
  • Extreme skiier/Nitro Circus alum Rory Bushfield
  • Bieber-haired Disney fixture Drake Bell
  • NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (just in case you forget that Chuy’s a midget)

The stars will fall, fail and flop on Tuesday, March 19th.

What do you think?

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