Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again

Hayden P boxer boyfriend When considering going through with vagina murder, you don’t book a meeting with an all talk, no-action noob like Amanda Bynes. You want Hayden Panettiere, because she’s a goddamn expert on getting her vagina murdered daily.

On Sunday, 5’2″ Panettiere was spotted at a Miami Heat game making out with her 6’6″ ex-boyfriend, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko. To recap, they broke up in 2011 after two years. He said managing a relationship “between two continents” was too difficult.

In actuality, it was because a reverse penis pump had yet to be invented. I mean, can you imagine sex between these two? It’s soul crushing. 

Her genitals SHOULD look like a half-eaten chicken pot pie. Like, crust gone. Vegetables scrambled.

The constant smile on her face leads me to believe that her sh*t is intact, and that makes her a master of post-apocalyptic restoration.

(Turn the pain into laughter by picturing Brittney Griner decimating Justin Bieber’s vagina.)

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