When considering going through with vagina murder, you don’t book a meeting with an all talk, no-action noob like Amanda Bynes. You want Hayden Panettiere, because she’s a goddamn expert on getting her vagina murdered daily.
On Sunday, 5’2″ Panettiere was spotted at a Miami Heat game making out with her 6’6″ ex-boyfriend, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko. To recap, they broke up in 2011 after two years. He said managing a relationship “between two continents” was too difficult.
In actuality, it was because a reverse penis pump had yet to be invented. I mean, can you imagine sex between these two? It’s soul crushing.
Her genitals SHOULD look like a half-eaten chicken pot pie. Like, crust gone. Vegetables scrambled.
The constant smile on her face leads me to believe that her sh*t is intact, and that makes her a master of post-apocalyptic restoration.
(Turn the pain into laughter by picturing Brittney Griner decimating Justin Bieber’s vagina.)
The Twist Gossip 
How does she stay alive….
LikeLike