Jon Hamm Doesn’t Have a Sense of Humor About His Bulge and God Knows What Else

Jon Hamm RS Cover cropped 2013I don’t want to sound like an absolute Jon Hamm hater, because I think he’s funny on Saturday Night Live and good on Mad Men and his wife seems nice, but I can’t stand when people don’t recognize humor as a better defense mechanism than unadulterated grumpery.

Here’s Hamm, to Rolling Stone, taking first world problems to new heights:

“They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason,” he says. “I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. Lay off. I mean, it’s not like I’m a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal … But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”

This is like if Angelina Jolie came out and complained that her gold toilet’s heating mechanism malfunctioned and one of her 20 maids took maternity leave. 

I mean, Poor Jon Hamm and his big penis! Here are more of his thoughts, in case you weren’t all the way turned off.

“Most of it’s tongue-in-cheek,” he tells contributing editor Josh Eells in his first solo Rolling Stone cover story. “But it is a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have – a prurience.”

So now we have too many freedoms? And now I’m really mad because he made me feel stupid with that prurience thing. Definition: “feeling morbid sexual desire.”

You hear that, ladies and gay men? He thinks your desires for his crotch are morbid. Meanwhile, I think his obsession with hating Kim Kardashian is morbid. Flashback:

The sexy thing is so ephemeral and meaningless other than in the world of selling magazines. Who cares, when it’s reduced to just that? You might as well be a Kardashian and have a sex tape.

And, if you forgot that moment, re-remember this one too:

Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f*cking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.

On that note, here’s a random assortment of Jon Hamm bulge photos for you to leisurely objectify.
Jon Hamm BulgeJon Hamm Bulge 3
Jon Hamm bulge 5Jon Hamm Bulge 2
Jon Hamm baseballThe Cast of The Town Infiltrate Boston!
Read: 10 Freeballing Celebrities Is the Post You Wish You’d Never Clicked On

6 thoughts on “Jon Hamm Doesn’t Have a Sense of Humor About His Bulge and God Knows What Else

  1. Yep, this only reaffirms my thoughts of him being a complete asshole. One of these days he’ll wake up and his weiner will be small… let’s see how he likes that haha


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