I pity your funny bone if you never saw the God-awful infomercial for Bumpits, catered to women who want to look like Nancy Grace, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, or any lady from a 90’s soap opera.
In it, we hear a woman screaming bloody murder as a voiceover asks if you’re tired of “flat, boring hairstyles.” It’s almost better than Shake Weight and Ahh Bra. Mostly because leaving the “p” out of “bump” and “its” literally spells “BUM-PITS.”
Like your bum is a pit, or your pit is a bum. Get away from me. You smell.
Now that we’ve covered all that (and because I live to bring you the latest trends from around the world), let me tell you about how Dubai women are taking big hair to new levels.
(If you haven’t figured out by now that they’re using makeshift Bumpits, we can’t be friends.)
A new viral clip from the Wall Street Journal features Middle Eastern women talking about putting milk cartons and other items under their head scarves so they can look more like Snooki circa 2009.Many sensible men and women of Dubai find these “Camel Humps” unattractive and unnecessary, but I think they’re amazing because they give the illusion of an elongated skull.
Elongated skulls remind me of extraterrestrial life forms who are obviously wiser and more hip. So bump it or perish in the bum pit. (Or watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull again)
