Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.

WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.

BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel).

American Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and guitar-slinging maneater can do no wrong.

WORST: Kim Kardashian (in Riccardo Tisci) and Elle Fanning (in Rodarte).

Raiding the closets of Edie Bouvier and Ziggy Stardust didn’t quite pay off for these two. Elle can try again next year. Kim should probably skip the event. (Anna Wintour keeps her enemies close.)

OVER-THE-TOP: Paloma Faith (in Michael Cinco) and Katy Perry (in Dolce & Gabbana).

I don’t think it’s fair to “judge” these gowns. Paloma Faith (download Fall To Grace NOW) always dresses like that and Katy Perry’s been a self-proclaimed princess since the Kate Hudson/Myspace years.

MEH: Blake Lively (in Gucci) and Anne Hathaway (in 1992 Valentino).

Nomi Malone (Showgirls) would be proud of Blake Lively even if she’s not wearing Ver-sace (rhymes with face). Blonde Anne Hathaway looks like she’s about to skin a Dalmatian.

WORST: Mary Kate Olsen (by The Row), Gwyneth Paltrow (in Valentino) and Madonna (in Givenchy).

Out of these three, who looks oldest? Claim your prize of one mothball if you answered Mary Kate.

BURN THE WITCH: Nicole Richie (in Topshop) and Cameron Diaz (in Stella McCartney).

Richie’s look made Rihanna puke and Cameron Diaz’s belt reminds me when you made a mistake in Prince of Persia mid-jump and he’d fall onto spikes and bleed to death in his sad little Aladdin outfit.

BEST: Cara Delevingne (in Burberry), Solange (in Kenzo) and Anja Rubik (in Tommy Hilfiger).

I’ve been waiting for an excuse to talk about Cara Delevingne for a while. Now I realize I don’t have anything to say. She has big eyebrows and cocaine in her pockets. Good enough? Oh, and she’s a very successful model worshipped by the likes of Terry Richardson and Rihanna.

Speaking of models, that’s a Polish one in red. And Solange, well, what can I say? I love a good afro.