Drown Yourself in a Tub of Bronzer to Tan Mom’s Song

Tanning Mom songDirt-faced street peasant Patricia Krentcil, also known as “Tan Mom,” lurched and rubbed her brown body all over the recording studio to create a new song with the standard issue auto-tuned chorus.

In “It’s Tan Mom,” Krentcil tells us that she’s the sexiest fame-whore mom in the world of Z-list fame-whore moms. “Sexier” than porn star/Teen Mom Farrah Abraham and “hotter” than Octomom, she says.

Here are some lyrics by (or written for) the New Jersey potato skin:

“My name is Tan Mom. Tanning is the bomb.”

“I’ll be in not a tanning booth but outside with the birds. No, that doesn’t work, forget the birds.”

“I’ve got a message to use protection from the sun. Hahahaha.” 

“I am cool. I’m the cool one. I’m hotter than the Octomom. The world can’t judge me now.”

“So I want you to back away. Get away from me every day.”

At first we paid attention to her because we thought she was guilty of child endangerment, now she’s a world-renowned comedian. What’s that? Laughing stock is different than comedian?  Hush, inner voice.

If you aren’t done being horrified, click for old fried eggs simmering on the beach.

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