While reminiscing about her last trip to Hawaii, Paris Hilton posted a few Instagram pictures of her and her model boyfriend, River Viiperi, doing what they do best: looking huge and hot while getting skin cancer and ruining their livers.
The caption for this one read “Can’t wait to go scuba diving again with @RealRiverViiperi. Feel like a mermaid under the sea. #Maui”
The thing is, the goggles and breathing tube make it really hard to look like King Triton’s sexy underwater mistress.
I could, on the other hand, believe that she’s been drugged (possibly by Patrick Bateman or Robert Pattinson) and is about to be sold to into slavery at the Ukrainian fish market.