Paris Hilton and River Viiperi Struggle to Look Modelesque Underwater

Paris Hilton scuba diving While reminiscing about her last trip to Hawaii, Paris Hilton posted a few Instagram pictures of her and her model boyfriend, River Viiperi, doing what they do best: looking huge and hot while getting skin cancer and ruining their livers.

The caption for this one read “Can’t wait to go scuba diving again with @RealRiverViiperi. Feel like a mermaid under the sea. #Maui”

The thing is, the goggles and breathing tube make it really hard to look like King Triton’s sexy underwater mistress.

I could, on the other hand, believe that she’s been drugged (possibly by Patrick Bateman or Robert Pattinson) and is about to be sold to into slavery at the Ukrainian fish market.

What do you think?

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