Kim and Kanye are Having a Girl Because Kardashian Eggs are Rigged

Kim and Kanye's baby memeIt was revealed on the groundbreaking first episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians season 8 that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s baby does not have a “peepee” and is therefore a girl. (I’m a very mathematical thinker.)

Kardashian males, with the exception of Mason and Rob (fellow outcast Khloe probably felt bad for him and fished him out), are traditionally thrown away like female Chinese babies, so OBVIOUSLY it’s a girl.

If it wasn’t, they’d abort or tie cement to it’s chubby feet and throw it in the L.A. River to either die or be secretly raised by The Toxic Avenger, The Penguin or Tom Green.

It’s all about prolonging a legacy. In fact, I think they’re contractually obligated by E! to drown and/or bury alive at least three Kardashian and Jenner boys a year. 

It’s hardly a well-kept secret that Calabasas Palm trees thrive on dead Armenian babies…
Kim Kardashian ultrasound
Kim told Jay Leno that she wants to name the kid Easton West, but I’ve been rolling “Kimberly East” (known to bullies as “Time For Yeast”) around in my head for a few weeks.

In other KK news, Kanye reportedly put on a sour lemon face at Kim’s baby shower. Much like the face I put on when my friend told me she doesn’t like Kim because she “doesn’t contribute anything to society.”

What the f*ck are any of us really contributing? Like with the exception of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Sitting around talking sh*t about celebrities (guilty as charged) has to be worse than being one. Even a so-called pond scum like Snooki or Kim. I’m sure they both give leopard print dildos to charity or whatever.

Speaking of algae and frog spit, here’s a promo for Kris Jenner’s new talk show, premiering July 15 on a bunch of random Fox-owned channels until Andy Cohen or Oprah or the devil pick it up.

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