Heather Locklear Comes Off a Tad Bitchy Talking About Her Non-Date With Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Heather Locklear 80s Heather Locklear came on Chelsea Lately last night to tell a few stories, including one semi-interesting one about how she hung out with Tom Cruise back in the day and was disturbed by his dance moves.

“It wasn’t really a date,” Locklear told Chelsea Handler. “We had auditioned for something together and he didn’t have any friends … I mean, not that he doesn’t have friends. Out here he doesn’t have friends.”

I’m guessing by the way she talks about him that he didn’t call her back or something, because what woman in their right mind wouldn’t sit on circa 1982 Tom Cruise’s face? Oh yeah, someone who married Richie Sambora after an eight ball and a handful of elephant tranquilizers.

“You know in Risky Business where he does that dance in his underwear and he does the splits?” she said. “We were dancing in a club and he went into that. He started doing the splits.” 

Heather ended with a snarky “So I was like, I’ll just sit down,” in reference to his unsexy spasms.

I think this rubs me especially wrong because I’m so tired of people badmouthing Tom Cruise. The multiple pictures of Heather and Tom together suggest that they did more than go out dancing one freaking time.

America really hates gay guys who jump on sofas. (Katie Holmes, Kelly Preston and I may be the only ones who believe him and John Travolta are straight.)

If you want to get on Cruise’s case about something, please let it be the Brooke Shields anti-depression medication thing and not the Oprah appearance. And remember, it’s okay to admit that he completes you.

Don’t conform. Just be a Tom Cruise fan with me.

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