Selena Gomez Attempts Onscreen Badassery (For The Second Time) in ‘Getaway’

My new favorite trailer is to hate-watch is Getaway, a completely bizarre tale of cars and kidnap featuring Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez. (Pretty much the oddest pairing since Samuel L. Jackson chained a half-naked Christina Ricci to a radiator in Black Snake Moan.)

Selena Gomez takes the Vanessa Hudgens’ route (from High School Musical to Sucker Punch, Spring Breakers and Gimme Shelter) as that kind of adorable but ratty little sister who you wish would stop climbing out the window to hang out with the neighborhood chain smoker. 

I’m a not-so closeted fan of her syrupy music, but are we really supposed to believe she’s a carjacker just because she’s wearing a hoodie? I haven’t been less intimidated by somebody since my 105-pound friend got drunk and swung her little fishbone arms at me like a flappy paper kite with streamers.

Ethan Hawke’s inner monologue should be something like, “Come at me bro! Oh yeah. You are literally the size of shredded cheese.” And that’s when he kicks her out of the vehicle and focuses on rescuing his wife.

Pretty sure Jason Statham faced similar challenges in Safe, The Transporter and every other movie he’s ever been in, except with more gangsters and less Bieber duckling.

I’ll only be happy if Getaway pays homage to Rush Hour with Gomez singing “Love You Like A Love Song” in the backseat while Hawke rolls his eyes and remembers the Reality Bites days. Wino forever.

Trend: male directors with female names? (E.g. Courtney Solomon, Harmony Korine.)