50 Cent Accused of Kicking His Ex-Girlfriend and Destroying Her Stuff

50 Cent boxing pose50 Cent, the rapper most famous for singing the line “Go shawty, it’s your birthday” in the song “In Da Club” is in hot water for allegedly kicking his girlfriend and completely trashing her condo last month.

He reportedly dated the woman for three years and is also the father of her child.

According the L.A. area police, 50, a.k.a. Curtis Jackson broke her chandeliers, her TV, a lamp and then “ransacked” her closet. It doesn’t take an expert to know that a woman’s clothes are often more precious than Keystone Pipeline oil. Hell, even I’d be mad if someone tore up my non-designer jeans and shirts.

Do you have any idea how hard is is to find pants that fit properly? Especially when you’re 5’7″ and have the legs of Gary Coleman and the torso of albino Aisha Tyler. 

However, if you really want me to file charges (my social anxiety usually keeps me from suing even the cars that run over my sausage toes in the parking lot on a daily basis), destroy my Xbox and computer.

Screw filing charges. I’m pulling a Dexter and wrapping your Shady McGrady ass in plastic.

Onto slightly less psychotic topics… It’s oddly surprising to hear that 50 Cent is facing domestic violence charges, considering his ex, talk show host Chelsea Handler, always used to praise his kindness and referred to him as a “big black teddy bear.”

Still a teddy bear who was shot nine times. I was going to say that you just can’t stitch or cork up certain holes in reference to mental trauma, but anything about holes just makes me want to laugh like Beavis.

If Jackson is convicted of the charges he could end up in jail for five years with a butthole so big even Dora can’t explore it. Sorry.

5 thoughts on “50 Cent Accused of Kicking His Ex-Girlfriend and Destroying Her Stuff

  1. Its a sad thing when black men can’t control their rage and penis’s, too bad we can send them back to Africa!


    1. Yes the Black people do have a high percentage of their men in Jail. I would say your views are a bit extreme though.


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