Idol/Britain’s Got Talent/X-Factor judge Simon Cowell knocked up his friend’s wife, this kind of Demi Moore-looking woman that he likes to look at through binoculars even though she’s sitting right in front of him.
The baby mama, Lauren Silverman, is being compared to Blake Lively’s character on Gossip Girl because she’s a New York socialite. According to sources, she used his penis to wipe her tears after becoming estranged from her husband, Simon’s past-tense friend. (Who’s the third wheel now, bitch?)
Socialites sit in chaise lounges, judges in crappy folding masters of back pain. Both sit on private jets. Whoever the lovechild takes after, it better be prepared for a life of people-watching stillness.
Surely someone who makes a living telling people they’re not good enough will make a great parent?
The Twist Gossip 