Giant 13-Pound German Baby Will Give You Fever Dreams

giant baby germany
For all you royal watchers impatiently waiting for new pictures of Kate and William’s baby, stop. That shit is not impressive or interesting. A German woman giving birth to a 13-and-a-half pound baby is.

My giant Siamese cat Raisin doesn’t weight much more than that. I mean, the kid is almost two feet long and it just makes me think he had a bit too much time to gestate.

Like, damn. Smoke a few cigarettes or something. Reduce the birth weight. You don’t need to put yourself through that. Your baby has a mustache and looks like pre-Weight Watchers Horatio Sanz. 

Normally they tell you to breathe in and out how many times?? Screw breathing. This woman needed Alice’s “Drink Me” potion for her vagina and a shoebox full of heroin. PROPS.

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