For all you royal watchers impatiently waiting for new pictures of Kate and William’s baby, stop. That shit is not impressive or interesting. A German woman giving birth to a 13-and-a-half pound baby is.
My giant Siamese cat Raisin doesn’t weight much more than that. I mean, the kid is almost two feet long and it just makes me think he had a bit too much time to gestate.
Like, damn. Smoke a few cigarettes or something. Reduce the birth weight. You don’t need to put yourself through that. Your baby has a mustache and looks like pre-Weight Watchers Horatio Sanz.
Normally they tell you to breathe in and out how many times?? Screw breathing. This woman needed Alice’s “Drink Me” potion for her vagina and a shoebox full of heroin. PROPS.