Lady Gaga, a Prosthetic Arm, and the Stigma of ‘Gossip’

Lady Gaga is a crazy weird bitch, right? In a good way, mostly. No matter how much she sprawls out naked for Vogue, or Terry Richardson or her performance artist friend’s nonsensical crystal-worshipping Kickstarter campaign, she writes decent music and has always been honest about the negative parts of her past. The only problem actually, besides pretentious crap like this prosthetic arm, is that she’s annoyingly against bullying and negativity.

Now I know you’re going, “Wait a second, bullying is never a good thing, you’re an awful human being for saying that,” but hear me out. Gaga recently ranted against little ol’ websites like mine, writing the following on Facebook and Twitter:

Dont focus on ANY blogger criticism. I have been a producer/songwriter/musician for over 10 years. Trust the artist, bloggers are not critics. The fans + music scholars are the best critics because they know the artist intimately.‪#‎STOPHarassingTheArtist‬ we are here to entertain you.‪ #‎FreeTheArtist‬‪ #‎StopTheDramaStartTheMusic‬

Now I know firsthand that people hate the word “gossip” because it makes them feel dirty. But it’s like sex, we all do it, and we all secretly love it. According to Merriam-Webster, it can simply mean “a chatty talk” or a “rumor or report of an intimate nature.” According to Gaga, it’s all bad:

Let’s make 2013 a year where music/talent/artistry is more important than gossip/fanwars I respect all fanbases 4 their passion #BeTheChange

I like to think of it as the simple sharing of any and all information. Hell, I like to gossip about myself. For years people have been badmouthing gossip bloggers (hypocritical much?). We’re like the new paparazzi: career-ruining assholes who will do anything and everything to put a stick in the wasp nest.

But think about it, when was the last time the paparazzi made you laugh (besides when Kristen Stewart’s telling them they don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her) or shared a good recipe with you? Yeah, some of us leak songs on occasion, but we also promote artists (like Gaga) by constantly talking about their bleached anuses and the golden snot rockets bowls they use as moisturizer.

I’m saying be grateful. A lot of your fans are bloggers. A lot of bloggers (me) overpaid to see you in concert and found the experience generally enjoyable besides that stuff about locking the freaks outside.

Your little Italian grandmother is totally gossiping up a storm right now. I’m gossiping up a storm for a living, plus every night with my Xbox crones. You’re gossiping about gossip blogs and it’s fine.

Just open your mouth and release the kraken and remember that talking about killing each other is stopping us from actually doing it.

P.S. what the fuck is a “music scholar?” Do I need a degree from Juilliard, or is it more along the lines of possessing an iTunes account and a set of working ears?

Read: Lady Gaga and Little Monsters Vs. Kelly and Sharon Osbourne (…and Joan Rivers)