There’s this thing called the Redhead Event, where a bunch of soulless gingers gathered to collectively sacrifice blondes and brunettes in the middle of a cement park in downtown Portland.
Actually they were trying to break a world record, or they did. It just hasn’t been confirmed by the weird bored fetishist people over at Guinness.
I can’t even stomach being around one shifty ginger, let alone a thousand and change. I feel like they know my birthmom is one of them…
They know I have that rare recessive gene and they’re looking at me thinking of ways to put me in a cage and make me breed with other gingers to repopulate a nearly extinct species of sun-loathing freaks.On the other hand, I’m starting to regret purposefully being far away from Pioneer Square that day. Do me a favor and imagine the aerial view. Birds be wearin’ sunglasses. Paintball snipers going strawberry picking… M.I.A.’s “Born Free” on multiple projector screens. Mmmm.