For the spooky Halloween issue of O, Oprah admits she has always been afraid of the sound of balloons popping, just as I am afraid of hoards of greedy clapping middle-aged women with bingo wings. And clowns. Oh wait, same thing.
“I don’t like balloons, and for my 40th birthday my entire staff decided to surprise me,” 59-year-old Winfrey recalls. “I come downstairs and the entire audience is filled with balloons. Literally, I’m stepping over balloons, having to walk through balloons and I’m so, like, ‘Oh! When is one going to pop?'”
What’s worse, this or Tyra’s fear of dolphins? Probably Tyra’s thing because sometimes you can’t get out of a child’s birthday party without a really good excuse, but going to Sea World is never mandatory unless a dying child asks you to go for Make-A-Wish. Or if you’re a really smart parent, you get your kid to ask Tyra AND Oprah to go to Sea World on their birthday and you tie balloons to the dolphins, get a bowl of popcorn and watch those bitches howl.
Oprah discussing anything in O Magazine is hilarious in general because it’s just her interviewing herself United States of Tara style while posing for a photo of herself in a Queen of Hearts costume in front of a red maple tree that she probably made Gayle or Stedman handpaint for the cover.
In the words of Kathleen Madigan (and in honor of her new Netflix special, Madigan Again), how DO YOU bring that up at the staff meeting without totally sounding like Hitler?
(Every single month we will have a photograph of me! Sometimes I will be holding a basket of puppies for no reason. Sometimes I will be painting a picture, of me…)