L.A. Shoppers Deprived of Plastic Bags, Riot Silently

Almost as sad as Mean Girls now being 10 years old (take some time to process that), a few random laws are effective immediately with the coming of the New Year. Laws such as the recreational use of sticky icky in Colorado (not so sad), and the ban of plastic bags in Los Angeles.

Like every wasteful, gluttony-rooted American, I don’t appreciate being forced to respect the environment.

This country relies on grease, plastic and fossil fuel like France relies on cigarettes, wine-soaked armpit hair and cheese, and on this night and every other I will light a candle for the great loss my Southern Californian friends have suffered. Rest in peace, ye olde plastic bag, with your fragile body so prone to tears.

What on earth will trendsetters put their groceries in??? Fish tanks? Hollowed-out melons? Sheepskin condoms?? …Canvas and paper are so outdated and boring.

Nobody rioted or snuck plastic bags into stores in their buttholes. Disappointing.

Why is plastic being singled out when nearly 7 million trees would be saved if we all stopped using paper cups? What would the Lorax say? What DOES the Lorax say?

What do you think?

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